What you fear is what you are....[Chyril 23 Closed]

[Eivlys]

She nodded. “My father always looked after my mother. When I was old enough I started to do the shopping. I did not start changing into a swan until my mother died.” She commented. It was hard to remember where she was, she wanted it to be so real. She half expected Amber to walk through the door at any moment. This was their house after all. ‘When she dies, everything changed, at least Aetye will not have to know that loss. I miss being in the sun, feeling the grass on my feet and the warmth of the sun on my skin. The sounds of shopping and being able to just browse the market.” She sighed. “Now I must rush to catch shops open, and make arrangements with shopkeepers to buy things after sunset. It is not easy.”

“I would not hold you to any commitment, it would not be fair. Your goddess may call you to other tasks.” She sighed and fed the last bite to Aetya. “Would you care for something to drink? Wine or tea?” She offered as she set the baby back in the basket.

She tucked the blanket in and looked at Gawyne. “I cannot know what it feels like, how it feels to want something as you do right now. I know it is a thing feared by my kind, feared so deeply some never come out to see another mortal.”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

Gwayne pondered a bit and then responded "I wonder how your dad could live with the idea that his love could be killed by a idiot hunter.... And and ... how do you condemn your love to death by taking away her immortality ? Uh no just water. I rarely drink anything else."

Gwayne wondered what tea was anyway. "Don't worry, Fear should never be a wall between you, and what you love.... But even a curse can not change that what is a part of my soul...."

Gwayne smiled comforting..

[Eivlys]

She went to the pitcher and poured him some water. “I was shot by a hunter once. Right here…” she pointed just under her breast, “… it hurt, but did not sink deep or kill me.” She handed him the wooden mug full of water.

“Master Gawyne, you speak as if we have no choice of our own. As if we are but things.” She sat next to him, placing a hand on his arm. “We can choose to love as well, and we can choose to give a man our love as well. What good is immortality if you pine for a lost love?” She brushed a lock of her white hair back.

“We can make choices for ourselves. Just because I am a woman does not make me unable to make a choice, and that choice might even be the right one.” She arched a brow. “What if I wanted to kiss a man, would it be wrong for me to want this, or to even do it? Must I wait for the man to make the choice?”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

Eivlys words hit home as Gwayne knew they would, somehow he had not expected any other answer from her.

"Choises..." he said. "Yes, your right. Its not the right of choice I deny. It just shows my own fear I guess. Something so precious as the smile of your love. you... I always want the best for her. But I also want the best for myself, and its so unfair in a way, that something so great is punished by taking something away. "

Gwayne took the glass of water and drank a bit, it cooled him, he felt better talking like this.

"I have always been a stranger, a painted adhiel in a human world. It made me selfish I guess, and scared to make mistakes. Especially mistakes that hurt those I hold more dear then my own life."

Gwayne took a new sip before resuming. "But your right, I can not make decisions for others who love me. Still, it scares the nether out of me."

He smiled, while he nodded.

[Eivlys]

She returned his smile, and leaned in kissing his cheek. “Al my life I was kept from people. My father did not let me socialize with boys and kept me at the house. There was another girl I played with but her mother was a swanmaid like us. We kept to ourselves.” She shrugged. “The world is a dangerous place, deadly and magical. It is also a place of beauty.”

She looked at her hand on his arm. “I almost died once.” She said softly. “I was lost and cold and alone, and I thought I was going to die. I did not though, I chose not to just die, but to live.” She squeezed his arm firmly and smiled. “I chose to endure what life gave me and not to let the darkness suck me in. You should not let it pull you in either.”

“I think this is the only true choice we have. How we will deal with what life has given us.” She leaned on the table, propping her chin on her hand. “You will need new clothing if you are going to stay with me.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

When Eivlys kissed Gwayne's cheek he turned as red as a tomato.... well actually even more then then that up to the top of his pointy ears. The young man had never expected that and it took many a flicker for him to get over it. His eyes where huge and reflected his surprise.

"Oh.... uh.... um.... eh..... Thanks..." he mumbled touching his cheek. Then she squeezed his arm, it made him smile.

"Yes I know... never let the darkness take you. That was also what the pixies and the dryads said. Talking about a magical world." he nodded, and nodded again when she said that she would not let him be pulled in by darkness.

She resumed with “I think this is the only true choice we have. How we will deal with what life has given us.” She leaned on the table, propping her chin on her hand. “You will need new clothing if you are going to stay with me.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"But but this is perfect hunting garb whats wrong with that ??" he responded with a look of confusion on his face.

[Eivlys]

She gave a small laugh. “What did you kill the animal and just crawl right into it?” She leaned a little closer. “If you are going to come and see me sing you will need to dress up a little. Get a nice linen shirt and some breeches.”

“I will go to the Drunken Duck tomorrow night to sing. Meet me there, we can talk and then I can take you back to see Aetya.” She offered grasping for the pitcher to pour herself some water. “You can get something nicer to wear by then, because I think you would clean up nicely. No offence, I mean, I am sure the outfit works wonderfully well in the woods.”

She paused a moment. “It is like this, you would want me to wear some fine dress out to the woods would you?”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

"Uh no I just fought a war and run around in these cloths for the last three months... uh sorry for that. I never thought about my cloths actually, they just fit and keep me warm."

Gwayne smiled a bit sheepish.

"Where is that Drinking Duck ? In which city ? Uh and uh, no I would not let you crawl in the forest in a fine dress, although the pixies would really love it. The especially love silk. They say its as smooth as skin. I don't know if thats true because I never touched silk. My cloth are made from wool and animal leather, thats what we have at home. Made by my mother it contains a lot of love. But yeah, your probably right that I should wear something else in a city.... but what ??"

[Eivlys]

She gave a small smile and laughed. “The Drunken Duck, it is in Dort. Ask around you will find it. As for a shirt, pop by the market in the morning and you can find a shirt and some breeches.” She shrugged. “I would not have know pixies like silk, they seem to enjoy going about with no cloths on at all. I spent some time in a glade full of enchanted creatures.” She paused a moment. “I could have lived there, as naked as those pixies, but I chose to move on. I like humans, and how exciting they are.”

She touched his arm again, taking hold o f it and looking rather elated. “They are like a fire, so nice wand warm and bright and energetic, they can do so much and change so many things, but they can be just as dangerous and just as destructive.” She postulated. “So I will see you at the Drunken Duck?”

She gave him another smile, the pretty lips drawn up flirtatiously. “You should not blush so at a kiss. I am sure many girls would not mind kissing a handsome man like yourself.” And she gave him another kiss on the other cheek.

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

"Oh sorry Drunken Duck in Dort, ok I got it. I shall be there,. I have a shirt somewhere I guess. Mmmm, pixies are easy but they like to tease, I spend a lot of time with them and others, because I felt out of place with humans. Unlike you don't I look like a human at all, and some humans don't consider me a sentient being I guess." Gwayne said with a shrug.

When Eivlys kissed him again, now on his other cheek, he blushed once again, he just could not stop it and when she said that a lot of Girls would love to kiss him he became how impossible it may look even more red.

He wanted to tell her that she was the first beside's his mum to kiss him like that, and that it made him feel good... but the only thing he could say was...."Uh....mmmmm, well....uh.... I uh....mmmmm." And to try to burn a hole in the ground with his eyes. It was just to shameful to atmid.

[Eivlys]

She suddenly realized she has some power over him. The two small kisses were making him blush beet red. She could not stifle the small giggle that erupted from her. She patted his cheek. “You will have to be careful around my friends, a kiss on the cheek is nothing between bards.” She sighed. “If they knew no one had kissed your lips there would be a contest to see who got them first.”

She drank some more of her water. “You never kissed anyone before? Not even just a friendly kiss?” She asked. “I mean I have never kissed anyone who I have been in love with. Well, not in the waking world anyway.” She smiled and the memory of her kisses with Amber came to mind. “Kissing can be such fun and so… rewarding.”

She looked at Gwayne and smiled. “Is it easier to charge down some beast in the wild then to take a kiss from a woman?”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

If it would have been possible to become more crimson than Gwayne already was, he would have turned even darker red when Eivlys first giggled, then suggested that lady bards would start to have a contest to kiss him.

She drank some more of her water. “You never kissed anyone before? Not even just a friendly kiss?” She asked. “I mean I have never kissed anyone who I have been in love with. Well, not in the waking world anyway.” She smiled and the memory of her kisses with Amber came to mind. “Kissing can be such fun and so… rewarding.”

She looked at Gwayne and smiled. “Is it easier to charge down some beast in the wild then to take a kiss from a woman?”

If Gwayne would have been able to disappear into the ground he would probably have done that this instant.

"Uh....eh....I...uh....mmmm.....eh....neverhavebeenwithawomanbeforealoneImeanandkissing..." he whispered in one breece.

The young man could not bare it to look in those beautiful silver colored eyes filled with amusement so he looked at the floor in stead.

"Yes it is easier to track down a bear, they don't tell you that you are a painted freak with pointy ears and symbols that probably call demons down .." he whispered while he swallowed something away.

"And the women who don't care.... really don't care it seams. They are just good friends. I got some hugs... just no kisses, or other things..." he whispered again.

A insecure smile flowed over his face. "Uh sorry... I am not so good in these things.... I guess."

[Eivlys]

She leaned on her hand again, resting her elbow on the table. “Would you rather have them tell you that you are handsome and have enchanting eyes?” She asked him making a point to look him in the eye. “Or tell you that your markings are exotic and very becoming?”

She drew her orange lips up in a playful smile. “Would that be better for you? Have them tell you how wonderful you are?”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

Gwayne was unable to get more red then he already was, but Eivlys did a good job in widening his eyes and prolonging his blush. He shied away from those wonderful eyes piercing through him and telling all the things he loved to hear so much.

"They ..... wwwwould nnnnever do that.... nnnnever...." he whispered. "Sssttttop hurting me please, they would never do that..."

A tear left his eyes....

The young man looked at the ground. Nice ground... clean..... to try to get himself under control again.

[Eivlys]

She arched her brows. “Hurting you?” She asked. She did not think she was hurting him. How was this hurting him? “I am sorry, but it is true? You are a handsome man, and your markings do make you look exotic and unique.” She reached out and touched his hair. “You hide so much under all this dirt and animal skins. Are you afraid you will get hurt, like you did with Aetya?” She asked slowly.

“I would not let another woman hurt you, and when I say these things it is because they are true.” She told him boldly and caressed his cheek. “I feel the same way as you. I see why you love Aetya, she is pretty, and she has such life in her. Men do not see me in such a way. I have to work to fill out a dress, and when I stand with others, I am just the plain one. Other women look so lovely and powerful, and they have such a strong spirit.” She sat back. “Did you think you were the only one who felt as if you had no worth to others? There is one I hope to see, who loves me, I think, and when we meet my heart will be filled. But they are very much more pretty then I and I could not hope to keep them all for myself so I will be happy with what time I get with them.”

She sighed and looked over at the fire. “When the time is done I will have memories to keep me.”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

"Nobody ever told me that I am handsome.... really." Gwayne looked up to Eivlys, "And I doubt that I am more unique or exotic then you... you are beautifull. Especially your eyes. I bet that many a man or woman for that matter has turned to watch you with hunger filled eyes. I think you just did not see it."

Eivlys's touch did send shivers through Gwaynes body and kept his ears red, although his face turned to a more normal color.

A bitter sweet smile showed on Gwayne's face. "Well, you have to understand that I lived in a small village and had both my appearance and some religious things stacked up against me."

Gwayne checked himself out and then resumed ..."I am not dirty and I don't have much animal skins on me, sheesh." Suddenly his upper body was bare again.

Gwayne grumbled something about Aether being a unfair place....

"Yeah you shall have plenty of memories..... as a beautyfull immortal, your biggest curse is that you have the time to let love come to you, a bit like mmmmm...."

"
I watched your eyes and they told me a story
Of pain, lots of love, care and even glory

I watched your smile and it told me a tale
That your strong, beautyfull and never shall fail

I felt your touch and it taught me
That the morning sun is still hidden in your heart, as bright as it can be

So I did see Eivlys
And knew "

Gwayne smiled and said "Do you have more water ?"

[Eivlys]

She smiled, listening to his song and looking over his bare chest. Interesting he would lose his shirt so easily. She wondered if he would lose anything else and her curiosity was starting to get the better of her. “Do you have markings everyplace on you?” She asked looking over his chest, a finger reached out to touch one of the markings on him. “Who put them on you?”

She looked over at the fire and the kettle was steaming. “I will get you some tea, it would be better in the cold I think.” She stood and walked to a counter, her finger dragged along the back of his shoulders as she went around him lazily. She opened a pot and wrapped some herbs in a small bit of cloth and tied it with a ribbon. She set the satchels in two big mugs and poured the hot water into them. “We must give them a bit of time to seep. It is mint, just some dig gerent ones from the garden.”

She stepped back with the tea and set the mugs down. “Careful they are hot.”

She lifted the mug and inhaled the smell of the mint tea.

“Life is never how they say,
We always look for love
They seem to look away

I just want someone to be
The each time I wake
And there each time I sleep

Ohhh ohhhhh Love
Don’t you know my name.
I am the painted, I am Gwayne.
Ohhh ohhhhh Gods
Please cut me free
I just want to be a man, I just want to be me.

I am the cold hard knife
Rigid, distant, and razor sharp,
This how I live my life.

.Please just take me into your embrace,
Let me tear this this mask
From off my pained face.

Ohhh ohhhhh Love
Do you not know my name?
I am the painted one, I am Gwayne
Ohhhh ohhhhh Gods
Please set me free
I want to be just a man

I want to be just me…”

She sang a song for him. She really liked this game.

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

“Do you have markings everyplace on you?” Eivlys asked looking over his chest, a finger reached out to touch one of the markings on him. “Who put them on you?”

The redness of Gwayne face returned in full force after having faded away for a few flickers... the woman had a clear influence on his skin coloring...

"Uh yeah, more or less everywhere. They are protective runes, I was sick when I was young, so my mom took me to some priestesses to put the runes direct on my skin. It seemed to have helped because I have not been sick anymore. It also protected me from normal relations so far. What also made my mom feel better I guess.."

The thought of his mother complaining about his choice of daughter in law made him really smile.

The herbs brew was very funny, he new mint but normally you would drink this kind of stuff only when your sick. So Gwayne smelled at it and after that took a little sip of the minty brew. It tasted better then he expected.

When Eivlys started to sing he almost choked in the fluid though, her voice surrounding him like warm arms. Her words touching him to the core.

So he sipped, and sipped and then.....

"Just remember that you can fly
As all swanmaidens do
Soaring through the sky
Clouds surrounding you

They say its a curse to bare
But I think its a blessing
With so much love to share
It can be nothing less

They say that the night is the time to roam
But by day I see your silver white wings
At night your just at home
By day even your heart sings

No it can not be a curse when love is there
It can not be a curse when you still have a choice
The Goddess has been fair
Granting you beauty and freedom

And calling it Eivlys...."

A new sip....

[Eivlys]

She listened, he was a good singer, and she wondered if she could convince him to become a bard like herself. It was a nice idea, but would Amber approve of him. He was strong. He was brave from what she could see. He also had a nice heart, Amber was sure to like him. She would just have to find a nice way to introduce them.

“I am not free.” She said simply. “I must always rely on others, to protect me, to watch over me, to do all I cannot do because I cannot do it during the day.” She leaned back and sipped her tea slowly. “There must always be someone there, and I am a risk to that person. I would make a powerful tool for a mage. I do not know how they would use me, but I could make them more powerful.”

She leaned forward looking at him directly. “Sometime a woman does not want to have to kiss you, or ask to be held by you. Sometimes a woman wants to be chased. Next time you wish to kiss a woman, take her up in your arms, look right into her eyes, and you will see if she wishes it or not. Nothing would make a woman melt more then this, a man she desires wanting nothing more then her. Just like you, sometimes we cannot put a voice to how we feel. This is more true when you feel you are in love.”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

Gwayne listened while sipping his brew. Wondering a bit if he made a mistake in the past. Quickly enough he decided that he had not made any mistake.

With a thoughtful look at Eivlys he said "Nobody is really free, we all have obligations tp others and ourselves. We all have our weaknesses and strengths. The fact that you are a swan by day does not mean your helpless, swans are not really helpless creatures, far from that. The curse of your cloak does as much harm to the one who takes it as the one who......."

Gwayne's eyes widened when the dark feelings tried to take over again, lust, domination, power, they fought to take over the spirit of young adhiel who dropped the brew on the table, spilling it.

It was so tempting to take over a others live, to be in total control and to be the worshiped master. The sweet taste of power and all that comes with it, and the curse as a excuse to use it, but it was not enough or to much for Gwayne, his wish for freedom and maybe his wish to be his own source of evil did fight the feelings until they where back under control. Leaving the young man shivering and upset.

He looked up towards Eivlys and said "I am afraid that in my case a woman should take her own initiative..." A tired smile showed on his face. "I am not sure if after this ordeal I shall ever be sure that feelings are really my own, or induced by some nasty magic. If it ever stops that is. It shall never rule me..... it shall forever stop me though.. so in that I am cursed."

"
When I touched the soft feathers
A black flash was all I could see
Awakening of all that was bad and painful
Deeply inside of me

Lusting for submission
Demanding fear and pain
Ignoring love and protection
It almost drove me insane

"

[Eivlys]

She hummed the tune he just sang. She had to admit, everyone depended on someone else. Her mother would never approve of her living where she was, and living how she was. It was her life though, and her place. “Perhaps you have not found the right woman to take the risk on?” She said, standing and getting a towel to clean up the spill.

She started wiping up the spill. “You sing a lot. I do not know many men who sing as much as you. It is nice to hear.” She let out a soft sigh. “The lust can be powerful, and if you had her cloak she would have to do what you said, compelled just to do it. She would be a willing slave.”

She finished cleaning up the tea setting his cup upright. “Perhaps you will find a woman willing to reach out and hunt you rather then wait for you?” She sat down next to him again. She reached out and touched his shoulder again. He was fascinating, the way he was all marked up.

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

"I love to sing, faeries love to listen and cheer you on." Gwayne smiled when he thought of it.
"I don't want a slave as partner, it takes away the love, the sharing. When everything comes from one person... well then its not worth it for me. I prefer to wait for the right lady.

He looked at the table. "Sorry for the spill, I was a bit upset, those feelings are disturbing... sorry. How did you get Aetya ? " Gwayne was not aware that she had sat down at his side.

"I guess, I shall find my partner on a special day. Maybe sooner then I expect. The Goddess wills, she has a special type of humor."

Then she touched his shoulder, it made him shiver a bit. It was nice to feel a womans touch on his body.

[Eivlys]

She sighed. “It is a strange story of how I came to have Aetya. Some of it you would not believe yourself.” She smiled to herself more then to him. “Then again, a man who sings for the fair folk may believe all I have to say.”

“It was a dark night, and I was alone, in rags I had scrounged. I had lost all the people I had even known or met, they were either dead or gone. I had almost died, just given up the ghost.” I was in a burned out house, I had made a vegetable soup, and nothing like this more just boiled vegetables. I was signing to keep the loneliness away.” She shivered at the memory, which was a dark time in her life.

“When I stopped singing I heard a crying of a child out in the darkness. When I went out I saw a green flame, and an old crone standing over it, she had the baby and she was not quite changed from her human from to a swan. Sort of stuck half way.” She said to him, looking over at the sleeping child. “I helped her change, and once she was a human again, the old woman told me who she was. Aetya, warrior, poet, shaman, a woman who was many things, but most of all, she was set to be destroyed again.” She placed her hands in her lap.

“She offered me money for the girl, money, I thought nothing of the coin, not like there was a market to buy food or clothing. Money, bah.” She waved a hand dismissing it. “I could not let her suffer a horrid fate, who could when looking at a child. So I told her I would take the curse. She said I was ‘thrice’ cursed. I would know many and have many friends, and I would know wealth, but my life would not be long, and it would be these things that brought me to my death.”

She reached over ant took her tea and took a long drink. It had cooled slightly and the minty warmth calmed her. “The old crone said if I was to meet her again it would not be under pleasant circumstances.” She shrugged and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I would do it over again if I had to. She is a joy, and I love her dearly, like my own daughter. I may need you to watch her, because someday I may die and she will need someone who can care for her.”

[Gwayne of Vendeling]

"I wonder who the crone was.... maybe the woman Gavin calls Hex." Gwayne ponders for a flicker and resumes. "Well He and maybe Syrawenn and Amber shall go to visit her I guess."

With a new pause of maybe a few flickers Gwayne resumed "I saw Aetya dieing that day, its funny that she was all that because I am also now a warrior, a poet and a servant of the Goddess. I became a warrior because of her.. although I was already someone who kills. Do you know that one of the faces of the Goddess is a old crone ? The one normally associated with death. The mother, the mistress and she who betrays you... Well I come to you, and I shall make sure that your life shall be longer then expected... Afterall, no ones life is fixed."

Eivlys head on his shoulder felt.... naturally, like it was normal to feel that hair there. Maybe it was something Aether Gwayne concluded, or just something... something.

"Your not going to die, because I wont let you.." Gwayne said with a smile.. "And although I am very bad as a hero, I can still try. I hope that there are some fey around where you live, because I think that Aetya would like to see them. Maybe they could help to protect her. I just wonder, would it not be dangerous for you to have a painted adhiel around while you try to blend into the human crowd ?"

Gwayne could not resist to stroke that wonderful hair resting on his shoulder...

[Eivlys]

She liked the feel of his hand in her hair. “I am sure Amber will come visit.” She hoped the other woman remembered the dream. If not, Eivlys would have to work to convince her of her love. She missed her already, though Gwayne was helping ease that pain. It was nice to be close to someone. “How was Aetya a person during the day?” She asked looking over him. “We cannot be people during the day, did she overcome this?”

“Do not worry about being painted around me. When you are in the crowd with bards, having your body painted is the least of the oddities. Sometimes I think they like to try and out do one another on outlandishness. Rich and colorful clothing, piercings, tattoos, all that like, they go overboard sometimes.” She waved a hand and kept her head where he could touch her hair, that was a nice feeling. “So you will not be the odd one out, your morality will set you apart more then anything else.”

She scratched her nails across his chest lightly, drawing one of the markings with her nailtip. “You do not need to be a hero, just be yourself.”