Like Ashari, Aerin kept her eyes primarily focused on the task at hand and her ears focused on the conversation as Ashari spoke of her own upbringing and training. It was interesting getting to know Ashari like this – not since Rat had she ever really sat down and talked to anyone for any length of time – it was indeed a nice change of pace from the bubble of silent small talk which had surrounded her for so long.
"Including Iorn Thalas, much like you, he was my first love. But, again much like you, it didn't turn out the way I had expected.â€
Aerin nodded at the similarities. It was nice to have met someone from a somewhat similar background who, like Aerin, could give two shits and a fuck about global politics when it came to warring countries and hating someone just because the rulers told you to hate them. Aerin listened intently as Ashari spoke of mindcrafting, making note of her teacher’s training in the arts and how powerful the other woman had become, recalling the mass effect that Aerin, herself, had been trapped in for a time. Aerin heaved a few stones toward the wall and pondered the risks of lying to Ashari about anything, whether or not it broke their contract.
"I made friends here, too... and helped in the destruction of a demon. I suppose that secured me a certain staying power in the capital.â€
Aerin’s eyebrows climbed up out of the hollow hole she had been digging on, followed by her eyes at first and then the rest of her face.
A demon? The redhead stared at Ashari in disbelief, the other woman’s words flowing in a smooth rumbling mumble in Aerin’s ears for a flicker or two as Aerin pictured her new mentor downing a demon – even with help.
…there are some other people I might like you to meet first. But, those are all things to consider later, For now, tell me what your man didn't like about you."
Aerin forced herself to blink, wondering what she had missed during her little stroll down fantasy lane. Meeting people did intrigue her, as Ashari had spoken of Aerin falling under the care of those Ashari had trusted but, as Ashari had clearly said, the people that Aerin was to meet were of less concern to the mindcrafter than the one that Aerin had already met.
Rat. She wanted to know what Rat hated. Aerin looked back into the hole and bit her lip in thought, cursing herself for accidentally placing such a fat worm on the hook in the conversation like that. Aerin looked back at Ashari a flicker or two later, now picturing herself in the demon’s shoes, withering under the sheer force of Ashari’s power as Aerin imagined it. Ashari could have been smiling and looking at Aerin with sympathy and understanding, but all Aerin could see in her mind were Ashari’s eyes narrowed to slits daring the redhead to utter even the smallest false truth.
“Well…†Aerin began, dislodging a good section of tinder which had what looked to be some type of charred cloth attached to it. “Have you ever…ugh!†Aerin began, using her good hand alone to turn the timber end over end off to the side like a miniature, seated version of the caber toss, probably kicking up a nice plume of ash and soot all over herself in the process. After a couple of small coughs, she tried again. “Have you ever tried to please someone by guessing what they wanted…and find that you guessed completely wrong?†The question was rhetorical, but Aerin used the pause behind it o buy herself some time to think of some good wording for her answer, something that did not amount to a flat out murder confession, lest someone outside the walls should hear her.
“Rat and his men were thugs, to put it bluntly. Brutes. They were the men that were called when shady deals were broken and small tabs grew into large ones with no signs of repayment.†She heaved another timber, thankfully a short one, and continued. “You know… the kind that you couldn’t go to the guard about. I mean, these deals were most often the kind of deals where the dealer would get into as much trouble or more for doing the deal in the first place – either that or things like a tab at a tavern…small stuff that the guards would just shrug off as the bartender’s fault for trusting people…†Aerin gave a small smile as she heaved another handful, despite the motion jarring her broken hand as she threw.
“Convincers… That’s what they called themselves, because it was their job to convince deadbeats to pay their bills. My mom was one of those deadbeats.†Aerin gave a small frown at the thought of her mother, possibly still racked out on her bed, her breath reeking of the cheapest ale that wheat had ever turned itself into. Aerin looked at Ashari once more. “Oh, she is still alive, I assume – Rat and his men did not touch a hair on her head at my insistence, but they did buy themselves a pretty little toy for the price of a bar tab.â€
Slut… yes that sounds far better than murderer… Aerin chided herself with words embedded in the thick ice of sarcasm.
Another piece of rubble sailed through the air, the hole before her seeming just as shallow as it had been during Ashari’s conversation. Aerin could only imagine how much infinitely slower the task would be had they not been talking as a form of mental distraction. With that thought and the fading, but still present, image of an angry Ashari, Aerin continued her tale. “I liked what they did, mind you, and I was not taken by force or anything. It was a deal and nothing more. I came up with the proposal, but it was Rat’s hand which had planted the seed when he had looked me up and down and muttered ‘With a creature like this, I bet that we could make most marks’…that is what they called their targets…’walk right up to us for their reminders…’.
“I hated being a mother so young…hated having to study to be what my father wanted me to be – granted, alchemy is a fine art, but I would rather love it out of a will to love it and not an order to. I also hated my small community – much like you, I was damn near the only thing around with breasts that had not also had a baby suckle on them at least once, and I had no older brothers to scare them off.†Aerin threw another rock, harder this time, her eyes narrowed in painful memory.
“No rapes or seductions though – not that I would have minded – my father kept such a close eye on me that if I even smiled while relieving myself, he would want to know why. So I had to escape and Rat was that means.†Despite her talk of escape from pain, Aerin’s body language and the gradually intensifying ferocity of her digging spoke of mounting anger and frustration surrounding memories even more jaded. “We went further into Murrelbuck, where Rat and the rest called ‘home’ and they began to teach me a bit of their trade as I began to fill my role as bait. Oh, Mistress…†Aerin said, her voice softening for just a flicker or two. “What they did for a living was so….steamy and dark for me… That thrill of knowing that what they were doing was so…wrong…that it felt soooo right…. The perfect rebellion for me, at the time.†The flickers of softness ended abruptly, bitterness clawing at the doughy, sweetened edges until only the rough, corroded edges of raw emotion remained, evident from the first words out of her mouth.
“Or…at least… so I thought…†Another chunk of debris went sailing, the emotion behind the throw making Aerin imagine Rat’s unprotected face waiting nearby to catch the refuse as it fell. “Oh I was good enough ‘bait’ all right… Pretending to be interested in these dregs…the marks…just to lure them back to an alley or empty house or something in their hopes of pounding into a warm body only to have them discover Rat and the others with the same thought on their minds…pounding on a nice warm body, that is…†Aerin picked up another piece of debris and studied it for a flicker as if seeing some aspect of herself in it. She tossed it aside a few flickers later and looked at Ashari once more.
“I wanted to do what they did… I was so angry back then…so tired of fathers of some sort having to watch over me… I needed to let it out before it ate me up inside. Rat, of course, did not know that he was a part of it…†She tossed another chunk and growled in frustration, her inner demons still alive and well within her no matter how well she normally kept them buried. “You asked me what he didn’t like about me? There were two things, really. We were at a Panling orgy once – I was not his alone, nor was he mine – but one thing led to another and I found myself in the arms of another woman for the first time…and I loved it almost as much as he hated it…†Piece after piece flew in rapid succession.
“Oh he had no quarrel with me whatsoever about giving my body to a man, but when he told me that I was not allowed to define my own tastes…well, that is when I reached my breaking point and demanded that I be allowed to ‘convince’ the next female mark on my own. He, like an
idiot, honored my request.†Another hefty timber found itself ripped free with ease and sent to a new location as Aerin fumed.
“Of course, for as much as I had learned from Rat and the others on how to make people ‘see my way of thinking’, the girl just haaaad to be a pain in my ass. Didn’t do as she was told and, even after the first few fingers were broken, kept refusing to pay what was due or to come with me to deliver her to her creditor as contracted.†Aerin was so angry that she seemed to almost border on tears, Ashari’s image just a blur in her eyesight as she finished her tale.
“When Rat found me…us…I had gone too far in my rage and my desire to please both Rat and myself.†A soot-covered hand rose to wipe her eyes, twin crescents of black appearing on her cheeks as moisture mixed with ash. “He found me…alone…so to speak…and he
really did not like that. That was the last time I ever saw him, as I was Citadel-bound just as soon as I could be.â€
Aerin attempted to lift a heavy chunk upward and managed to brush against her injured hand in the process of lobbing it onto the growing pile of debris, the jolt jarring her as a physical reminder of her failures. “New town…new me…same mistakes over and over…†Aerin sighed, looking at her hand and then at Ashari. “I am sorry about rambling on…†she apologized. “’The way I wore my hair’ was probably the answer you were expecting, wasn’t it, Mistress?â€
A weak chuckle followed, a small sniffle following that as Aerin lapsed into silence, allowing Ashari a turn, the redhead’s smile feeling out of place among her inner pains as the memories stabbed at her heart. Somehow the release of her tale had been rather cathartic and the thoughts of Ashari chiding her for her actions were far from her mind as she sighed almost peacefully and resumed the digging.
OOC: Sorry for her rambling...lol...tiny bit miffed, she is.
â€The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.†– Nietzsche
Avatar by Draconis (Found and resized by Paige)
http://drakonis.org