A New Day for Rendia

[rhoddin]

The first thing Rendia knew of the day was an insistent rapping sound from the door.

Standing in the enterance, looking disgustingly well presented for such an ungodly hour in such a holy place as the Oracles Isle.

"Good morning Rendia, I thought you might like to break your fast with the other healers, beofre starting your day at the guild. They all eat early, before starting their day.

"Shall I wait for you, or would you prefer to sleep longer?"

It was truely disgusting how chipper he appeared.

But his chipper voice sounded considerablly more confused as his searching eyes found the bed empty. Next to the bed, sat a fully awake looking Rendia, raising quietly at the sound of a voice.
"Goodmorning, that would be fine. I have already had more sleep then I was allowed ever before," Rendia said, cheerful herself. She had woken up after about 4 hours of sleep and not been able to stay asleep on the "bed" any longer. She had napped the rest of the night away on the floor, waiting for some kind of summon or stirring in this wide, holy, silent place.

"Oh, well then you must be hungry," for the first time Callan looked to be thrown by Rendia's response.

"Come lets go meet your fellow healers."

With Callan walked through the half light of pre dawn, to the refactory they had visited yesterday. As they entered, Rendia saw a small group, of mainly woman, but a few men, exchanging quiet banter and eating a meal of fresh breads, fruit, cheeses and water.

As the two new comers approached, the several of the group stopped their chatter and looked over to Callan and Rendia.

"Good morning Callan, who have bought for us this morn? A patient, a new healer, or both?" The woman wh spoke was wasp thin, and had her hair pulled back severly from her thin angular face. Sharp blue eyes stared back out at the world, and although her face hard and worn, there was still compassion in her eyes, and the crease marks could have been laugh lines, in the right light.

"Why Naomi, I bring you a an apprentice healer. The Lady Anasis herself has requested Rendia join the guild. Will you make her welcome?" It seemed a strange question to ask, given that a goddess had ordained her join the guild.

Naomi eyed Rendia up and down. "Well, if the Lady of the Lake has commanded, who am I to disagree, and suddenly the light was right, and Naomi smiled. The smile transformed her face, and the comapsion and kindness that lurked before sprang to the forefront.

"Welcome Rendia, come join us too break your fast. There is much for you too learn, as I fear our craft will be in need soon. Many portents do we all see a major battle that looms, some where in the Western Isles." Naomi swept a hand over the table indicating Rendia should sit and eat. The others made a space next to Naomi for Rendia to sit.

"Will you join us Callan? You look as undernourished as usual." But Callan declined and left the healers to their meal as he went about his daily duties.

Rendia followed meekly, concentrating on walking tall and having trouble with it. Walking upright seemed to be a very unusual paractice for sl- . . . ex-slaves. In fact the strain made her back hurt, but she bore it gladly. They had taken care of all other things and made her feel so safe and happy, pain made her feel that this joy was real.
It was with great reverence that Rendia viewed her new companions with, and she stood very tall to try and show her undying respect. Maybe they didn't know that the goddess had asked this of her, but this new way of respect would be Rendia's forever. They looked so calm and wise, if nothing else. Rendia also felt exceeding safe when the leader of this group who greeted her was another strong looking female. She hoped she would be a healer like Naomi one day. The kindness most only glimpsed in her face, Rendia saw with full clarity, since she had such opposite examples to compare her with.

As for the food, it seemed like another feast! Slowly rendia was beginning to suspect that everyone ate like kings on Oracle's Isle. Fruits every day no less! This meal should happily last her a few days from the looks of it.
Rendia blushed with dismay at hearing herself being so favorably spoken of. Then she remembered who it was that truly recieved the honor and tried to stand taller. However at that point it was impossible and she could only stand there wondering how she was to act. But they did very well without her commentary and Rendia happily withstood Naomi's apprasisal of her. She had experienced countless apraisal's before, but none like the ones here, and she was much happier to gain the favor of these then of the formal appraisal's, although favor was favor . . . or was it?
She sat down gladly, soaking up the instruction, and a great eagerness to learn all things they had to teach her lit her face with quiet joy in the smallest of smiles while her eyes sparkled. She would be most honored if she could help fill the approaching need they spoke of.
As Callen left, Rendia looked at him thankfully once more, and nodded her head in farewell. Then she turned back to the table expectantly, at the same time wondering if she never should have nodded . . . would the goddess dislike nods? Oh how much she needed to learn and do!

As Rendia sat, Naomi nodded her own approval at the girls manners. "Do you offer thanks to your goddess before you eat child?

"I find it a good way to start and end the day. I find the mother tends to look on the balance of my day with more interest, if I start by thanking her for the bounty we have before us.

"Maybe, a similar start will see your goddess bestow similar favour on yourself?" Naomi's comments were delivered in a kindly, but stern manner that Rendia would come to find was her usual method of addressing just about everyone.

Rendia halted and stumbled over this topic of conversation. Slaves had never acctually been taught to pray to the goddess but she had seen it countless times. Of course only those who had time prayed to the goddess often, what a privalege, she thought, maybe I can now do this too. Then Rendia proceeded to chide herself for being silly, not only was it a privalege, it was a duty! The goddess had talked to her! Now she must honor the goddess. This woman seemed to know things, Rendia carefully chewed her words before asking desperately,
"I agree, but, please, could you teach me the best ways in which to do this? I do not really know how."
probable explination is that I was made for another world." -C. S. Lewis

Naomi watched the play of emotions over Rendia's face, and then smiled gently at her request for assistance.

"It would be my honour Rendia, I understand that you you have chosen to follow the Lady of the Lake, Anasis?" The question was more rhetorical than actual question.

"To pray is a personal thing, but from my experience the trick is to be sincere.

"First, start by relaxing, find that quiet place in your soul and feel yourself enveloped by it. Some call it your center, but you will know it when you reach it.

"Once you have reached your center, and you are relaxed, simply talk to the Lady. Thank her for the bounty in front of us, and ask for her guidance throughout the coming day.

"Reaffirm your commitment to her and her teachings.

"Do you think you can do that? The hardest bit is to find your center. You must relax. It's the first step towards mystical healing as well."

Naomi waited to see if her newest prodigy had any further questions, or queires about what she was about to try.

Rendia listened carefully and thought she understood. But she dared to ask one more question in hopes of clarificaion.
"So, my task is to relax and find the quiet place in my soul in order to pray?"
Thank, ask, reaffirm. Rendia repeated this order of prayer to herself, resolving to make it her own.
Rendia waited for an answer, but before she recieved it she bulrted out, "I will,"
She was afraid asking might be a sign of weakness here as well . . .
Naomi bust forth with a laugh of joy at Rendia's rush to get on with her prayer. "Sister, you are always welcome to ask for our advice. I can see the day when others will seek your wisdon as you currently seek ours.

"It is our pleasure to pass on what little knowledge we have accumulated over time.

"And yes, you are quite correct. To truely connect with your goddes, you must find your inner center, that part of you that is still and the balance of your soul.

"From there you can reach out to the goddes, and she will hear you above the hubbub that reaches her every day. The clarity of your call from that quiet place will ring true in her ears.

"Or so I am told," and with that final piece of sage advice another small but truely genuine smile played across Naomi's angular face.

Rendia felt a rush of unknown emotions when Naomi laughed. The slight dismay was familiar, but the feeling of desiring something she did not know how to name was very new. Laughing had never been fun, especially when it was always at her, but now . . . it almost made her feel lighter. Rendia thought about this and then dismissed it as she took to heart the implication that she could become wise. That was a goal wirth reaching.
Rendia smiled.
They would help and teach her!
Peace. That was a good thing to find.
Rendia noticed she was smiling in a detached way, and took a bite of fruit.
As Rendia took a bite of fruit, the sweet juice flowed into her mouth. The hubub of the table around her seemed to subside, and she was drifting into a peaceful quietness ...

Quietness for once. Rendia compared this to the early morning when everything had been still, and even the eager Rendia had been lulled into a feeling of saftey and comfort. Rendia stopped everything, closed her eyes, and let the sweetness of fruit like the sweetness of this place be etched into her. She promised herself she would remember he flavor of this fruit wherever she went.
Where was her center? Rendia decided a second ofsearching couldn't heart, and imagined herself reaching into her soul, reaching to find the place where all things were peace forever.
And in her peaceful state she found ...

OOC: Please feel free to RP the finding of your center as you understand it. It's a very personal thing, so I'm only a guide at best. If you need to speak to me about it, you have my e-mail. But I suspect you could do as good a job as me Gia, so just go for it.
R

OOC: ohhh, I was wondering what this was, lol. In the middle of a meal!!?? Cool!

IC: Rendia forgot about the table, forgot about Naomi, forgot about the fruit, she began to "forget" about everything, for the little idea she had just learned seemed to be growing. If centering took practice . . . then now was a very good time to start practicing her mind seemed to tell her. Rendia was barely conscious that she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with air as her mind empitied of worry. For once. Thank the goddess, she was free from the fear and worry that had plauged her life. but she did not think about this. She just enjoyed this newfound peace, trusted her soul to delve deeper and envelop peace.
Her center was shadowy, but she knew it when she was there. It was darkness, no moon or stars, and she found herself in the depths of the safety of water.

From far away, like gentle ripples across a pond, Naomi's voice reached a part of Rendia's mind.

"Once you find your center, you are ready to talk to Anasis. She will hear you, try to reach her, experience the joy of real prayer ...." and the voice trailed away, just the echo of a ripple.

OOC: what better time than during a meal , a meal for the soul as well....

IC: The simple slave girl "stood" tall in her heart and found it was easier then before to accept that she should not fall to her knees in humiliation and grtitude.
Thank you for the bounty of this meal, Anasis, and for the bounty of tis whole place, which I pray will be my new home.
I only want to thank you right now. For this peace.
And she was silent again. Wondering that a place like this should exist, that she did not need to think, only feel.
And through the silence floated a reply, again the feeling of a ripple through water attended the response. You are welcome my child. I ask only that you take my bounty, and your life, and use them for the furtherment of my name.

My blessing to you and those you help in the coming day. And after the words came a feeling of warmth and love that Rendia would surely have felt.
Rendia tried not to be so incredulous, it was just so amazing. In her heart, Rendia felt her tears stream down and join the water without a sound, only extending gentle ripple from her body. She stood thier smiling and weeping, not understanding herself, and thinking about the fact that she was favored speak to the goddess.
Of course she would give everything to further the goddess. With such a special blessing, who could stand against her?
Warmth and love . . . Rendia enjoyed these new feelings. Her soul's eyes were closed, soaking in the feelings, and she wondered if they had names . . . she had never experienced this before.

From the depths of her trance like state, Rendia felt a gentle shaking of her shoulders, and from far away a voice she knew she should recognise. "Rendia, Rendia, are you alright my dear? Rendia, can you hear me?"

The voice was soft, but insistent, should she answer it?

Rendia always came when called, so she endevored to now, regretfully leaving the watery darkness and returning to the hopeful light of day again. With a star she remembered she was crying and her hands flew to her eyes. They were dry. but she was blushing she discovered. Rendia hated blushing, her whole face was firey red and refused to be quenched or appeased. Well, as soon as she got it through her head that praying and findig her center was nothing to be ashamed of she would be ok.
Her eyes jumped directly after this to the source of the call she had heard.
"I'm fine?"

As Rendia came back to the reality of the breakfast table, her first sight was that of a slightly worried looking Naomi. As she came back to full awareness, the look of concern faded, only to be replaced by a beaming smile of someone who has just seen her favourite child acheive a remarkable feat.

"I would guess you had a moment with the Lady from the look on your face, and the gaze you were just giving me, I trust it was all you had hoped for."

In a sterner voice, the one Rendia would become accustomed too when she was teaching, Naomi continued, "Now come, finish your meal. Today we are looking at herb craft. We are collecting some stores for the guild, so you can come with me, and we'll see what we can find."

OOC: Rendia, please feel free to add

Prayer, basic, plus two stars to your charactersheet.

Well done,

R
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." ~Irish Proverb~

[rhoddin]

OOC: Thanx again! ^^ But, um, I hesitate to ask you when you're already busy but i really don't ever get the time to run over and figure out what to post where in my woefully behind charactersheet! If you have the time . . if not just say so and I'll figure out my time!

IC: Rendia made another shy effort to smile, but that only seemed to happen when she least expected it. So Rendia just nodded. This was the start of learning her tasks. How wonderful.
OOC: Consider your sheet updated my lady. *your mod bows deeply*

IC: "Tell me Rendia, I can't keep calling child now can I. Do you know anything of herbs? I myself knew little before I can to the Isle."
OOC: a simple question that deserved a simple answer, but I got carried away and wrote a very long post that told a story from Rendia's past and when it was sudden;y lost I became despondent about reposting it, therefore the dely to my answer . . may later quiet relfection will coax my creative energies forward once more. -.-

IC: Rendia's eyes flashed with a some repressed ememory, but she managed to haltingly reply, rather cryptically, "I . . I don't know any names."
Naomi nodded her angular head, and didn't say anything. She led them out of the refactory, and towards the hills that surrounded the North East side of the township, if that was the right description, of Oracles Isle.

The hills weren't very steep, or tall really, they were more a series of mounds that needed to be called something, so hills they were. They were heavily wooded, with tall trees on the lower slopes reaching many spans into the sky.

Naomi and Rendia crossed a small stream, by way of a low stone bridge, and were suddenly outside the main settlement of the Isle. Before them was a short walk, through an open field, and then into the dappled light of the trees, Naomi strode purposefully forward, assuming her charge would follow along with her.
Rendia felt a prick of excitment at the easy way her training had begun. These mounds were fascinating, they were firmer and more symetrical then the sand dunes she knew so well, and it was firm earth, as if the whole land was as fertile as the river banks. Rendia did not wonder where she was going, she only wondered if she would be able to do whatever was required of her.
And the trees . . . the trees were the most graceful, calming, plentiful things she had ever seen. Rendia interpreted them as the amazing plants of this world.
She followed simply, very used to such things.
Naomi looked over her shoulder at Rendia, "Come on Rendia, keep up, a young one such as yourself should be able to keep up with an old woman such as me," Naomi was smiling as she spoke, taking any sting out of her words.

"There's been a few coughs around the Isle, we need to stock up on Wild Cherry bark, Balsam root and Blood Root. Once we've found some of these, then I'll show you how we prepare them. Do you know any of these plants? "
Rendia was surprised, for if she had been keeping up any better, she would be stepping on Naoimi's heals! With perfect practice, she sped up so that she was next to naomi, but still an bear inch back so that naomi could still be leading her but she could not be accused of falling behind.
She was more ready to give her answer this time herbs and their names came into the conversation.
"Not unless similar plants to those I know by sight in Amun Rah are among those you have named."
Naomi turned and nodded to her pupil, "Better, walk beside me Rendia, for in the service of the gods we are equals.

"Yes that does make sense that I might know some herbs and plants by a different name." Naomi went on the describe the plants they were looking for, and where they might find them in the trees about them.

As the morning rolled one the pair searched through the trees and little clearings for the barks and herbs they would need. Talking quietly about the plants they found during their search.

Around mid morning, Naomi decided they probably had enough. "Rendia, I think we have enough for the moment, are you ready to head back to the hall? We can stay for a while if you would prefer, it's really up to you."

ooc: The page on the net I used to find out a bit about the herbs is www.swsbm.com Please feel free to have a look Gia, it seems pretty good.


Rendia was rather caught off gaurd again, but as it had happened so often recently, she got over it faster.
"Uhhhh! If this is all the time you require I believe I have learned much!"
And she had, Naomi was an excellant teacher in that she could pass information on in the easiest way possible. That was very fortunate indeed, for although she hid it well, rendia was so entranced by all the new plants, their delicate workings, their similarities and vaster differences from plants she had known before, the bright colors, the new bugs and hiding wildlife she made no sign of noticing . . . it was very hard to concentrate for once! Rendia just hoped she would remember all she had been trying to learn. She was all too aware of new things other than what the task at hand had been.
As they walked back to the town, Naomi chatted with her young protégé, “Did you enjoy looking for herbs? I know I like walking through the trees, I often find myself forgetting I’m looking for anything and just look.”

After a little while, Naomi began to explain to Rendia what they would be doing with the herbs they had collected.

“We need to make a syrup, by percolating a mixture of alcohol and water through the roots and barks we have collected. The first thing we need to do is to make a mixture of alcohol and water. I like to use equal amounts of each. Then we can mix the herbs, and add a little of the alcohol to allow the herbs to steep in it overnight. Then tomorrow we can percolate the balance of alcohol through the herbs.

“Now, I know when I started I had no idea what my teacher was talking about. By percolating I mean we will let the mixture, it’s called the menstruum, slowly seep through the steeped herb mixture, to drip out the bottom, full of the healing qualities of the herbs.

“Does this make sense to you so far? I know it can be a lot to take in all at once.”

Rendia took a few deep breathes, as much to calm herself as to prepare herself for answering such questions. It was not such a big deal . . . she was safe and secure. She would not be chided or rejected for admitting . . admitting what?

That she had once been taught, and for that she was punished. How could she explain those times that seemed like hundreds of years ago, when all you learned must be hidden in your heart? When the master's mama was kind enough to heal your wounds, and briskly leave behind pieces of information, probablly assuming that R . . . rendia, was the same a all the other witless, frightened slaves.

Oh that wasn't true either, but that's what they wanted slaves to be. But Rendia HAD learned . . . might've . . .

No matter. The Lady had faded those scars from her very back and body. But Rendia walked in silence, forcing herself to find answers in scars of her heart.

She finally said, "It is most peaceful. I . . . I can almost feel the healing properties now. I'm sure I will learn what you've shown me."

Rendia tried to remain calm at what would have formly been considered wickedness in a slave. How could they claim to feel anything? But Rendia felt alot.
Naomi looked at Rendia as she replied, a thoughtful look crossing her older face. "Can I ask you something Rendia.

"Are you comfortable with learning these things. It's just that you seem a bit reticent that's all. I assure you, there's nothing wrong with what we're learning, it's just a bit of basic herb craft." The older woman was concerned that in some way she'd put her charge off, and wanted to ensure Rendia was happy with what they were doing.
Rendia answered quickly for once. "No, do not worry over me so! I am very happy to be learning . . . and somehow I understand that . . . things are different here. I am happy to learn. I know it is no longer wrong, although I hardly feel worthy . . . I understand this much. You have been very kind to me." Rendia somehow assumed Naomi could see into her soul. So many here seemed to have that talent. She had been treated so carefully . . . as no one had bothered to treat her before.
The older woman turned to face Rendia, and gently placed a hand on the younger womans shoulder, gently tilting the Rendias face up so that she was looking into Naomi's eye's the older woman spoke softly, but firmly to her.

"Never feel unworthy to learn Rendia, it something the lady requires of us all. We should all learn all that we can, and then use what we learn in the service of our lady.

"I can hear from what you say that your life has been hard until now, and I notice that you oft seem unsure of my reaction to what you do. I promise you Rendia, whilst you are in my care, no one will harm you for learning, and to the best of my ability, I will allow no harm to come to you in the service of our Lady." The eyes that scrutinised Rendia where determined, but a soft glimmer of kindness soften any hardness that determination may have otherwise produced.

Naomi was obviosly taking her role as protector and teacher of the latest novice to the Lady of the Lake very seriously indeed.
Rendia smiled a genuine, wide smile at this. She couldn't help it or control it, or do it on purpose, it just happened, even though it turned out rather lopsided and was quick, as someone's smile who has not smiled very much will be. She was all to aware that naomi was treating her like a person . . someone who was valued. She had thought about that alot last night . . . and she liked it. She didn't know how to respond . . but she liked it.
These events only gave her alot more to think on.
"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger, well there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. if I find in myself a desire which no experiance in this world can satisfy, the most probable explination is that I was made for another world." -C. S. Lewis
Naomi noted the brief smile as it played across Rendia's face, and the young girls smile was reflected in Naomi's own face.

Taking Rendia's hand in hers, Naomi led her towards the Ladys Temple. As they walked in companionable silence with a moment, Naomi reflected on what she should do with her young companion next.

"Tell me Rendia, are there any particular area's of healing you would like to follow? Are you interested in herbal lore, or maybe in the setting of bones and stitching of wounds? In some ways we need to discuss many of these issues anyway, I'm just interested in which areas are of most interest to you."

[Gia as Rendia]

OOC: Wow, is that the whole thread? ^^'' Thank you Rhoddin!!!

IC: Rendia made an effort to consider this. It was still not easy to think and talk normally, and she was trying so hard it hurt.

"I, uhh . . ., I am just happy to learn whatever there is to learn! Whatever you can teach me I am happy to recieve. Lady Naomi, how can you offer me knowledge as I desire? I do . . I don't know it yet. I do't know what there is to know . . I think . . I . . . I don't know."

Then she paused and begged, "Oh, please forgive me for questioning you! I'm sure your question was very fair, but I didn't know how to answer it . . ." she tried very hard to look merely contrite now. What would the goddess want her to do if she didn't know an answer?

[rhoddin]

A laugh burst from Naomi's throat as Rendia struggled to get her message across, but the mirth on the older ladies face was replced with concern as Rendia finished. "My dear, there is no such thing as a silly question, and I will try to never be upset at you asking them. And yes, the first step is often to realise what it is you don't know."

And again the smile was on her angular face, "But pleae, I don't think anyone has ever called me the Lady Naomi, just Naomi will do fine. As equals, and I hope one day friends, just my name will be enough.

"Now to what to learn, I think we should start at the beginning.

"In the temple we learn several sorts of healing, but in essence there are two ways to heal. Either spiritually or physically. I think you should learn both." And Naomi looked very pleased with herself that she had reached this decision.

"What do you know about healing Rendia, don't be shy now. If its not much, or even nothing, well that fine. But if you know a bit, then we have somewhere to start."

[Gia as Rendia]

Hard, very hard. Rendia did not see herself as an equal to a strong, healthy, teacher like Naomi. Naomi had always been free. Rendia was free now . . but before she was free she had been a slave. It didn't add up.

The next question was hard too but Rendia answered that as best she could.
"I know nothing of spiritual healing and I know a little about plants that were used for healing in . . . Amun Ra. And I think I've noticed some similiarities between plants, maybe.

But before we go on, I have another question. How can you call me your equal? I am not. I was a slave, and although I understand all here are in favor of me now being free, I am not the same as you. And . . . and I don't know. It's hard to pretend everything is the same, Lady Naomi."

Everything here taxed Rendia to her very core, and her back was sore from trying to be straight and Rendia was very tired. She hung her head, but her eyes did not fill with tears as they would for a normal person, the sorrow inside her hurt her but found no expression, only denial. Rendia didn't even know she was doing this. Slaves were scolded for displaying emotion. And sometimes masters talked about slaves, and how they weren't real humans, they must not feel the same ways, they were much more primal and had to be controled and . . . well sub-humans didn't have time to bother with feelings. Sub-humans only recieved a life-time of learning how to accept the unfair and cruel facts of life.

Now knowing this, how could Rendia believe she was truly an equal? Maybe she was equal before the goddess, who was so much greater then any race, but compared to most humans and races, especially on this isle, Rendia was not really equal and she did't think she could be. She didn't even know what she was, but they had told her that her race was lower as well. She was not equal. She was damaged. And she had lived that way her whole life without pity or pride. Oh, the half-giantess had treated her well enough. But she had not told Rendia any differently! Rendia was a servant! Rendia was a slave. That was who she was, not her role or job, but herself.

"I am still not worthy to be free," she explained as all this flew through her head. "I am in a kind place among kind people. But I was born lower. Is this not unshakable? Though you teach me everything you know, am I not still a well disciplined and blessed dog? And not even that is correct for I know slaves were born even lower then animals, to serve and to do and not to be equal. How do you talk of equals? What can be changed?"

[rhoddin]

Naomi listerned to Rendia's answer, her question and her sad monologue. Sadness touched her heart at such a depressed view of herself and her own worth. A slow tear slid down her face, and she bowed her head slowly, before looking up and lifting Rendia's face by placing a gentle hand under her chin.

"Child, we have a lot too learn both of us, and maybe I expect too much of you too early. But look at me, am I really that different? Two arms, two legs, if you cut me I would bleed just like you. If you hurt me I would feel pain, just like you.

"And one day I will die, just like you. And just like you the Lady will judge if all I have done is worthy of her. I cannot undo what those who abused their position did too you before I met you, but too me you are my equal.

"You came to our Isle, and very few can claim to have succeeded in that. You have gone through many trials and tribulations, and yet still retain your inherent humanity, despite it. These things make you the equal of a lady born to soft existance who sort refuge in the halls of the Lady to asurge her own guilt at being born so fortunate.

"I do not ask you to understand, yet, just to accept that youare my equal, although you are also my apprentice."

[Gia as Rendia]

OOC: I feel kind of bad about what I'm about to post, but she really is a severe case and I thought that talking with naomi one on one would allow all those mental issues to become the focus. Until I put myself in her place, I didn't know she would take it so badly though! Sorry!

IC: Rendia's last bit of will power left her when Naomi raised her face in her hand. Had she made the great lady weep? What had she done to hurt her!? She couldn't stand up straight, she couldn't look her in the eye, she couldn't think anymore. When was the last time someone had touched her? No, don't think of that. When was the last time someone had touched her . . without having ulterior motives? Rendia's mind spun. Naomi's words went on, unintelligible. For a second, Rendia tried to regain control. She tried to listen and understand as she had been trianed to do. What was she supossed to do? Do?
. . . but too me you are my equal.
Rendia blanked out again. Everything was piling up, pushing her, the very words they spoke, the very air she breathed, now she had voiced her worries, allowed them to surface, and they were consuming her.
For months she had dealt with feelings of awful betrayal to her fellow slaves, to her masters and system, then she had struggled with the hope that she could be free and the battle with completely new surroundings. It was very well she had escaped with only two people and had not been thrust into a multitude, she would not have handled it like a free girl.
She did not believe she was really free, she would always be a free slave. Free SLAVE. Not a freeman.
Freed slave. Free slave. Free. Slave. Slave. Free slave? I'm still a slave! I'm not equal to anything anything anything I'm a SLAVE and I don't understand, I probablly can't because slaves are stupid.
Outwardly, Rendia had gone limp and absolutly silent. Expressionless, unresponsive, she was getting slouched again, head tilting down, shoulders scooped. It was so subtle, no one would know the agony screaming through her soul. No one could. So she thought.
I don't know why I'm here, they said I'm special. I'm a slave, a runnaway slave, a freed slave and they want to help me but they can't make me complete they can't help me, my scars remain, I can feel feel feel them, I can feel everything they ever did to me that remind me that I am a slave. A stupid, lowly, cowardly, idiot, a slave and scum wh0re bit<h traitor liar dog worm bastard mutt slut slave slave slave slave slave.
All the insults in the world could be rolled up into one. Rendia's empty eyes went right through Naomi, all throughout her speech. She couldn't understand, but she couldn't really hear either, she couldn't comprehend, her mind was so fragile she did not recognize it. She had been so strong, so adaptable, so secretive, determined, accepting.
Oracle's Isle was so strange. Nothing was expected here. She did not expect to enter a holy temple and live, she did not expect to be led out of it by a priest himself, she did not expect to be cared for instead of taken advantage of. That fainting spell was her limit. The pool had refreshed her, but it was not permanent, the goddess was too good. Rendia felt so much lower it was easy for a hint of old thinking to spiral her down into self-hate. She was drowning. The touch was the last straw. Rendia's mind was overloaded, remembering everything she had come from, everything that was happening now, everything that she was supossed to be seeing in the future. Pristess, healer, servant of the goddess.
I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO ANY OF THIS! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!
Naomi was still talking. Rendia was slipping further and further beyond reach. Even if she was in her right mind and completely well, Rendia would have struggled terribly with Naomi's words. Slavery is most effective when it brainwashes. What had been done to Rendia all those years was more effective then any spell.
My mind is broken. I don't understand.
And broken her mind was, for Rendia had never had to think for herself. Oh, she had rebeled, tried, learned, but it was all based on using someone else. Someone else told her how to talk, eat, act, be, think, live. She was so strong of body, so logical of mind, but all these things went AGAINST all the logic she had ever learned! What the goddess said did not make sense. She was not an equal servant, she did not know how to stand up straight, she subconsciously rebeled against everything that happened to her. She didn't understand.
. . . I do not ask you to understand . . .
The words broke through like a final ray of hope.
Rendia struggled inside, lost, falling deeper, darker, quickly, unable to survive in this new world. Her whole person had never been accoustamted to it.
These 7 magical words released her. rendia stopped trying. She allowed her body to take over with instinct, she allowed her mind to shut down, she allowed herself to shake her head in incredible bewilderment, and to sink to her knees and fall sideways in the fetal position, eyes and mouth open, staring at nothing fixedly, at space in front of her, over burdened, hurt, terriblly fragile mind holding onto to nothing new. It was all so new. It was not possible to deal. She had tried so hard.
She hid everything inside her. Did the staff at Oracle's Isle have much experience with ones like her? They had tried to keep things neutral, but what was huge for Rendia was grasping the new ideas and discrading old thinking. Rendia was special. She was also haunted still. And unable to distinguish between lies and life. Now it had all come together, at the cost of Rendia's reasoning.

[rhoddin]

Naomi watched the struggle before her eyes as Rendia surcumbed to the nightmare of her past life. As the former slave collapsed to the ground at the older womans feet, a wave of sympathy and sorrow washed over her.

Folding herslef neatly, she sat of the ground by Rendia's side, and surveyed the damaged girl before her. Using the skills her goddess had given her, Naomi looked at the aura that was Rendia before her. Instead of the glowing colourful spectrum of energies, she saw a tattered array of colours, barely held together by some form of self control, even Rendia was not aware she possessed.

The older woman slowly allowed her own energy to form a gentle net of light which she slowly rolled across the torn soul that was Rendia. She softly found the tattered ends of threads of energy, and wove them back into a semblance of a pattern that was the girl before her.

Meanwhile, her arms went around Rendias shoulders and she held the girl quietly, rocking back and forth almost subconciously as if rocking a small child.

Rendia felt a strange feeling of peace, if not contentment as Naomi did her work. It was not a cure for the girls ills, but it was a salve.

In all her time, Naomi had not seem such a pitiful child, and heart broke at what had been done to the yong woman in her arms. A wave of empathy, enhanced by her ehteric nursing washed from her soul, and broke across Rnedias soul as the two sat almost motionless but for Naomis rocking on the ground.

[Gia as Rendia]

At first, touch could not reach Rendia. Her defenses specialized against blocking physical attacks out of consciousness. But something was different about this time. Something touched her in a way she had never been touched before, and Rendia was helpless to do anything against this deeper invasion. What was different? What had changed? A thick, black fog shrouded Rendia's mind. She lay, not knowing anything, dead to the world for a time.

As the intense seconds ticked away, painfully, her eyes registered light, as even her deepest resistance gave way. and it was then that Rendia was aware of the difference consciously. This touch . . . it was a real touch. It was not filled with hatred and destruction. Rendia had never ever been touched. Not like this.

The limp body shuddered and was unresponsive again. Suddenly Rendia's hand shot upwards, clutching Naomi's arm as if it was life itself, knuckles white, arm trembling, needy. For only the second time in her entire life, Rendia was crying. Great, dry, gasping heaves, and soundless screams of agony washed her abused body. Naomi would not run or shrink away with repulsion. The violence of Rendia's sobs lessened, if not the tragedy, as large, bitter tears poured from unseen depths and inner scars.
It felt good. It healed. For a long while, Rendia cried herself away from all the darkness in her world.

[rhoddin]

As Rendia wept, Naomi swept her free arm around the girls shoulders, hugging her to her shoulder, gently stroking her hair as she murmered quite soothing noises.

She let the younger woman cry, not interupting, not interferring, simply being there, a shoulder to cry on, an anchor for Rendia to cling to, as her tears swept away and healed some of the hurts she had carried for so long.

To others, all they could see was two woman, collapsed on the floor, one crying and one comforting her, but if they looked carefully they would see that even as she cryed, one was returning the current world, slowly too be sure, but steadily none the less.

[Gia as Rendia]

Rendia began to mumble, before she regained her lonely composure. She didn't want to stay quiet anymore. Oh, it hurt.

"I don't want to think," she said in a slurred, gasping voice, "ahh, it hurts, it hurts." she said, letting her self sob again. "I d-don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand."

And she really didn't. She did not know what she was thinking, or what she was trying to say, or what had changed, or what they had been trying to tell her.

As her thoughts became more coherent, she began slipping back into usual ways of thinking. What was she doing? Was she doing something wrong? What was she supposed to be doing? Her hands clenched into fists, in a wounded struggle.

"I don't understand," she moaned, as slower tears dripped off her nose and chin.

[rhoddin]

Naomi felt the girls hands clench, and her sobs become slower, but almost seemed to be more heartfelt, and she continued to hold the former slave close to her, comforting her as best she could.

Eventually she sat back a little, and holding Rendia by the shoulders looked at her, before wiping the tears from her face as best she could.

"We have asked too much of you it seems, I am sorry child. But, you are no longer a slave. Maybe you don't yet realise what that means, but you are no longer a slave.

"Tell me, what would you have me do with you? I can teach you, but do you want to learn? But I will not enslave you." Naomi was caught off guard, she was unsure of how to handle the girls rejection of what she being offered. It was often the case when two of such different backgrounds and cultures met, but she was determined to help the younger woman, she just wasn't reallly sure how, yet.

[Gia as Rendia]

"I-I've done something wrong, haven't I?" Rendia cried out in genuine fear, as she hugged herself, rocking back and forth slightly. She heaved, tried to stop crying because she had already cried so much, but the shudders still shook her body.
"Y-you, h-haven't done anything! It's my fault, I never should have come here, and I don't belong in a place like this." She was terrified as she said these words, even with all Naomi's arguments, that the things Rendia knew were fact were no longer true, what if she realized Rendia really didn't belong here, couldn't learn how to live like this, and sent Rendia away, as she should be rejected as garbage and filth? But her words continued to pour forth.
"You're all so good, so kind, you know so much, and you’re so different. It must be my fault, because I am not smart or strong enough. I don't know what you're supposed to do, and I can't figure out how I fit into a beautiful place like this! And why you're all so different and good to me!
A greater fear almost overwhelmed Rendia again.
I can't really have thought I saw the goddess. She knows what I am. It wasn't real. And if it was . . . I failed her test! Now I will be cast out. I must be. Then I will not plague this perfect island anymore with all my Kackffputh.

This word was a hilarious sounding, immensely insulting word in the slums of Amun-Ra. It meant something like, birth defects that are worse then severe retardation AND not being able to see, hear, taste, touch, or smell. Or sustenance based on being a parasite and dung eater, who was born of maggots and craves pain. Or worse things, like the superfluous feelings of an incompetent slave whore.

Right about now, everything Rendia had ever been taught was telling her she was burdening Naomi and the entire world with the superfluous feelings of an incompetent ex-slave whore.
Female slave bitches are not separated from their sexual use. When Rendia said she was still a slave, was she also not thinking of degradation? Was she also not wondering how anything could cleanse a being like that?
How could Naomi truly see anything else? With one last, shaking cry, Rendia spat a taste of what haunted her out for Naomi to recognize. "I am immesurablly unclean!"
[/i]

[rhoddin]

Naomi was saddened that Rendia did not feel she belonged, but chose to let the former slave expell her feelings first, before making comment of her own.

She was taken aback when Rendia spat out her feelings that she was immesurably unclean. The older woman did not quite know what to make of such a comment.

Lifting her head, and using a hand to lift Rendias face towards her, she looked the younger woman directly in the eye before beginning.

"Look at me," her voice was commanding without being aggressive.

"You may have been unclean, and you may still feel that way, but you bathed in the Oracles pool, and no one leaves the pool who has not been cleaned," Naomi was not sure if this strictly speaking true, but it served her purpose for the moment, and certainly sounded good.

"As for not belonging, many have tried to reach this Isle girl, but only those chosen by the gods themselves ever actually reach it. If the lady of the lake had not wanted you here, you would simply not be here." Naomi's voice was still stern, but there was no edge to it, and her tone was steady as she spoke.

"You may cry your tears, and I will cry with you, but you belong to the Lady of the Lake now, and you will follow her instructions. Now talk to me, tell me why you are so unclean. And maybe I will tell you a little about me, and you will see you are maybe not so unclean after all."

[Gia as Rendia]

OOC: I haven't had the time to write this involved post, I apologize for the delay. But I'm not dead! The post is coming, sorry to continue to keep you waiting. ^^''

[rhoddin]

It is the nature of the Isle that posts are often few and complex. I await your post with anticipation Gia, and maybe some trepidation as well.

Fear not I will wait

R

[Gia as Rendia]

OOC: Rendia's history is more complex now that I've been able to think about it, so when I'm done, maybe we can adjust the history portion of my charactersheet accordingly? ^^ Thank you for all your patience. Ready!

Rendia gulped and swallowed and decided, head pounding, that this was indeed a very good time to try and come to a better understanding. She was probablly wrong . . . but they didn't know what she was!

Well then, tell them.

Rendia took a few deep breaths and collected her terrified, over-wrought thoughts seriously. It was time to tell her story. Her life story? She realized that this might take the rest of the day and would most likely be difficult to get through. Besides, no one had ever asked her. She didn't think she wanted to remember.

"D-do you have the time to listen to all that has happened to me? It is not a simple story . . ." she said, and then allowed herself to stop trying so hard for a momment and go quiet. In a very small voice she added, "You may not like hearing it."

[rhoddin]

The older healer looked into Rendia's eyes and held her gaze with a steady certainty of her own.

"Child when you have seen, heard and done as much as I have then there is little that you cannot hear from another. I will hear your story, and let the Lady decide what is mine to remm\ember and mine to forget."

Leaning forward, Naomi gently kissed Rendia's forhead before settling back to listern to her story.

[Gia as Rendia]

Rendia's eyes automatically went blank as Naomi leaned in. But when she pulled back from her kind, affectionate display, a flicker of something struggled as Rendia's eyes regained a beaten awareness. She searched Naomi's face and found only acceptance. Gathering her courage, she decided to go ahead. It could only make things clearer, as they were already so muddled.

Rendia took a shaky breath and sat up, hugging her knees instinctively. She stopped trying to think of the right words to say, and concentrated on telling the truth. It was hard to start, came in crippling waves. When she began her story, her voice was very soft and shy, and almost younger sounding, incredibly vulnerable and maybe lost. Yet it had little tone or intensity, it was very factual.

"I don't know who my family was, if I had any, and neither did anyone around me. My earliest memories are of the government facility that was experimenting at raising slaves. Breeding was not done there, they only received slave children. It was very strict. They taught us our place. And they taught me my place. There were many common duties all must learn perfectly, maybe out in the fields or inside the dormeries. The older children's duties included caring for the babies and sometimes the younger children, although as we grew, we had less supervision from peers and much more from our masters. Some called them taskmasters. We called them rodmasters, for their stick was what they mastered against us. An occasional, unexpected bruising taught us many things. It taught us to cower, to always be aware of those in power around us, but never to look at them directly, for then we might get caught and receive a crack on the forehead. Of course, it was not all beatings.

Rendia began rocking back and forth in her curled up position, and while she had not looked at Naomi for a time, this struggle was obviously much greater then Rendia could control. For a few seconds she looked up, wildly daring, yet totally empty, as one who has nothing at all left to loose, and who has no reason to save any semblance of dignity. She stared until she looked straight through Naomi and her gaze wandered away slightly, off to the side, lost in another time. All at once she went on.

I must have been an ugly baby, or not have been greatly effected, or maybe I just couldn't tell then . . . well, I know that even the little babies are not immune to the other lessons taught in government raising centres. Well . . . for most. For girls mainly. Slave girls have a specific object above all others. No matter how well you work . . . the only task you are really good for is pleasure.

Rendia cocked her head, completely out of context with what she was saying and how she was acting towards this subject and said, suddenly human, suddenly alive, "I never understood why they called it that."

Pleasure is different for few, and so after I had finally begun to understand words and faces, I first encountered slave's pleasure. It was an older girl. After that came many more boys and girls, . . . not always one at a time, or only me. I was too young to really understand. One of the girls was different from the others in that she tried to teach me. She told me what things were and what they were called and why and how. Why. Because we were girls, because we were dirty creatures, but mostly because we were slaves. Dirty was not bad, it was us, we were what was bad, but dirty was not always one of our bad things. She tried to tell me this and other things, but I think it was because she was already convinced how bad she was. I didn't understand why she hated herself for teaching me things. The rodmasters made us understand.
Ralald told me that we got no affection outside of pleasure, so that is what made slaves eager. The rodmasters told us it was because we were lesser beings, only fit for abuse and slavery. They noticed me when I began to be attractive to them. That was pure chance. Many others did not last so long without random, brutal rape. Rodmasters were either brutal or sadistic.

No one ever had quite enough to eat, so we all learned to carefully guard what we were given, and scrape up what extra we could find. Or how to starve others. Unhealthy slaves were never coddled or nursed. If they could not survive childhood, it would be much better. If there had not been such a high mortality rate, there would have been too many slave children to take care of, for many came in every day. And the oldest slaves, the 14-year slaves who were about to be sold, took those who died every day out to the grave trenches. Sickness was important to overall health, therefore. When a slave is sick, nothing changes unless they are too sick to work. Then you must be afraid, for if you do not recover quickly, you will die. Not being able to work means not being able to eat or protect yourself at night. I was not very sick, therefore I lived.

I lived to be nothing. I learned to be a very good being nothing, not to dream much, not to be idle much, not to rest much . . . To keep my blanket at night because I wanted to survive against all the other desperate, sneaky survivors. Bullies were a haggard, frightened sort. Those who got caught taking another's share of food or shelter were often killed for sport. Random killings were good for us too. Kept us in line, to know how much we were really worth. Of course my body was worth a lot, I could tell the way they considered branding me breeding stock for life. Something wrong with my race . . . I was different and therefore no good for breeding stock. They decided that I should not proliferate young, then made sure I was sterile. Then I was branded pleasure stock for life. The others told me they were sorry when they found that out. Pleasure stock lasts shorter. I'm not supposed to be alive.

Rendia had been slumping over during this whole portion. As if she couldn't believe she was safe to tell these unsafe things, she had been absolutely rigid and terrified, going at high-adrenaline for some time. As she completed these details about her childhood, Rendia fell slowly into a complete, deep sleep. It would not last long. Naps for her lasted about 10 safe burns. But the girl was drained. Not as much as she would be, however.

[rhoddin]

The older woman watched the play of emotions, or rather the lack of emotion that crossed the former slaves face. A look of disgust etched on her own visage that such things could be effected by sentient beings upon other animals, let alone thinking feeling beings.

Silent tears ran down her angular cheeks as she sensed Rendias pain and allowed the young womans words to touch her own soul.

As Rendia lapsed into an exhausted sleep, Naomi could nothing but engulf the young woman in her arms, trying to protect her from her own nightmares.

[Gia as Rendia]

Rendia regained consciousness in this sheltered position, as her even breathing quieted into alertness, but she did not tense her body. Waking like this gave her an odd lethargic feeling. But she was slowly becoming more conscious as Naomi's touch continued to remain safe and unobtrusive. However, her defences did not allow her complete control until Rendia sat up instinctively, safe in the knowledge that Naomi would not hold her against her will. It was unthinkable. Naomi could never be like that, someone forceful or cruel. Rendia's eyes vaguely showed peaceful assurance because of this new feeling.

Then she froze, thinking. In one smooth moment she had remembered and resumed a nonchalant position, this time with her legs crossed close to her, hands folded in acceptance of the task she had begun. After collecting her thoughts, she took a deep breath and began talking in her monotone mode once more.

I was sold at 14 years, the official age for government slaves to be sold. It was at an auction. This was my peak price range; a female only decreases in value after 14. Sometimes a private breeder can get even better prices for younger females. Before we left the compound, they attached a chain to the solid ring in the piercing in our shoulder that slaves get when they are born as a mark of servitude. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt me before, the weight of the ring was nothing and did not hurt and the skin had simply healed around it, but the weight of the chain was excruciatingly heavy, painfully stretching my soft skin and muscle until it made me gasp whenever we were moved.

After only a day to get used to this, we were moved to the center of Amun Ra’s capital by foot to be sold at a public auction house. The journey was frightening for many, new and unpromising, and sudden movements often made individuals faint from the searing pain in their shoulders. Any stupid slaves in the group who hoped for a better life with their new masters were bitterly betrayed. Some were sold in bulk as laborer groups; some were brought already trained to do specific work. Cooks, house slaves, gardeners, construction workers, personal attendants, and even some entertainment musicians or dancers, bonded forever to the highest bidder, to play at his command. Not all of them were young as we were. The oldest were sold first, and at low prices. Used up slaves with uncertain life spans and questionable health. Finally the breeders were brought out, some from my compound and some from other places. The bidding was highest for them.

But then came the pleasure slaves. We were arranged in shackled lines, linked at the shoulder. A slave does not have the luxury of staying pale away from the wise sun, but I remember that somehow I still got the clammy impression that we were all very pale. We looked at each other, suddenly not caring about survival in the gate yard or heat in the fields or cold in the dormers, only realizing that we would never really see each other again. I hadn’t cared about them before, because they had not cared about me, not even these who were also under the pleasure mark’s curse. Still, we cared then. We cared that someone had decided we were beautiful and put us here to be used up more quickly then any other type of slave, always worth less as the years passed and treated more harshly with each master. We cared that we had only tasted snatches of what was to come, only guessed from experience and leering rod masters, who, when they noticed what we were, never failed to pinch us somewhere so that we could become accustomed to “it.” We cared that we had been taught the art of taking orders and staying alive through bruises and punishment. We cared that we had been taught not to care.

And then we were brought out, and the fat nobles and crafty merchants narrowed their eyes and raised their beards at us while we went weak and kept our eyes away from everything in their gazes. We were the lowest of the low, but also the best of the entire group, unspoiled toys to twist as each imagined. We were introduced as the best the government had; our youth and looks were praised, risen to mythical proportions. And then they unhooked one of us at a time, yanked us to the platform, and disposed of our clothes so that the merchandise could be examined. The girl three in front of me wet herself and the boy behind me whimpered a curse-laced prayer to anyone. Both were given pinches on the shoulder for their bad behavior. I went stiff.

I did not think anything when I was next, or when the girl was sold for three-fourths the price of the delicate boy who preceded her. I did not think when they ordered me up and told ripped my shift off down the front for laughs. I did not understand that the fine, young b itch before them was actually of sand-sprite blood. Why, just look at the pointed ears behind her thick, magical hair. And where else could she have gotten such fine bone structure under slave-worked muscles. She is barely broken in, but look at her obedience! Well trained I say, would kill herself before looking you in the eye. I know these types, m’lords. This subdued beauty will never give you any trouble, unless of course you teach her to, eh, m’lords? She’s a priceless sand-sprite b astard, for flawless skin, mature, unblemished desires, and her green eye’s let her see things in the dark better, see what you really want, mysterious powers, no? Get into this gorgeous, once in a lifetime opportunity, right gentlemen? Who knows! Maybe she has enhancing powers! Besides, government slaves are trained for almost anything when you’re done with her! And if later you decide you’re not, well then, I don’t have to remind you about a sand-sprite’s unrelenting enthusiasm, now do I? Who wants a taste? Any test, m’lords, she’ll pass it I’m sure. Just look at these! She’s one of the best I’ve seen, m’lords. I swear it by all the pleasure slaves I’ve ever run quality control trials on, m’lords! Don’t you want this wench for your own personal collection, Lord Pansh’ra?

Rendia had begun to imitate the brash, boastful tone she must have heard so many years ago. But in the middle of her unsettling recitation, she paused. She seemed to be regaining her breath, but when she started speaking again, it was in a frightful toneless voice, deader then it had sounded ever before.

The crowd was laughing, having a grand time, asking questions, encouraging the auctioneer to continue, and he played it up until he was certain he had some very interested buyers. Then they started the bidding. I was sold for the impossible sum of 20 crowns and 5 coronets, to Lord Yukatt.

Then Rendia spoke in odd, fluctuating tones, of various people and muttered laughter mixed with her comments.

Hey Yukatt! I thought the wife didn’t let you own pleasure dogs!

Whoa, there, Yukatt, quite an expensive morning-kill, wouldn’t you say?

Now, now gentlemen. This lovely wench is for my son, the wife doesn’t like his running around.

Lucky little rat! No offense, Yukatt.

She’d better be up to that slick, over-active eel of yours, Yukatt.

For all the money you spent . . . Yukatt, why not get him a cheap, pretty slave then?

Ahh, I know you too well, Yukatt.

Well, friends?

Well, well, Yukatt, you old cur.

The best for my son! He can teach her some things though, I shouldn’t wonder.

And, Yukatt?

Let me explain it to you, friends. Our, friend, Yukatt, here, sees nothing wrong with getting a slave beneficial to both him and his sun scorched son!

Rendia’s rowdy imitation laugh died down leaving only eerie silence. For a long time she did not speak. Then, precisely when the silence was getting uncomfortable, she started speaking softly once more.

It was terrifying. At least I think it was. I can’t remember what that feels like anymore. My first mistress told me I was making up stories about snakes in my belly, and scorpions in my mouth, and night sand in my limbs instead of flesh. I did not speak of such things again. She was a very strict, slightly plump woman, holding desperately onto her husband with an iron will and a deceiving smile. She despised me the moment she saw me limping behind her cocky husband. She saw immediately what I did not understand. I was everything she was not; young, beautiful, neglected, and subdued, squelched. After showing me what tasks I would be responsible for, she showed me to my own slave room and plain outfit. The flimsy dress I was wearing was from the auction house, and not suitable for anything. Then she smiled at me and told me I was trash, and had been raised by trash, and I wasn’t worth anything, and I was lower then dung, so I’d better not forget my place and do exactly what was required of me and remember that I was a slave, and that now I was among real people. And then her tongue became so filled insults that she could not speak them all, and she walked out. I would not meet their son until that first evening.

[rhoddin]

Naomi coud do little but sit quietly as the former slave unburdened her past too her. She gently held Rendias hands in hers, trusting that the genuine human contact would help in the process.

A look of deep compassion dominated her face, but it was all she could do to keep her anger under control at what her fellow kind had done to this young child. And then there was the issue of this Sand Sprite, it was not something she had heard of before, and she was facinated to learn more.

[Gia as Rendia]

Rendia seemed reluctant to keep going. She did not want to remember anything else. She looked down, played with her new dress and the forest floor and concentrated on feeling nothing. Carefully, she made herself remember, but when she did she began speaking quickly, at a ridiculously rapid pace. She had too much to say and no desire to say it so she hurried through this portion of her life as much as she could. It was easy for her once she let herself remember. All the memories came flooding back, fresh and swift. She did not let herself leave out anything but the messy details. But her controlled voice and confessions were blurted out in a confusing, convoluted, continuous stream.

His name was Senh and when he got home, after I had stumbled through helping them prepare more amounts of rich food then I had ever seen before in my life, he looked me up and down so intently that I trembled while they told him that he'd better behave himself, that all the pregnant slaves in neighboring households were suspected of being partly his responsibility because of the certain other boys he ran around with, always causing trouble and starting gossip and being unruly when it was time to concentrate on running Yukatt's estate instead of ******* with commoners and street trash and here, this is for you, now you'd better turn yourself around, but he only stared at me even though I didn't look away from the marks my nails were making in my palms with the nail I tore plucking their fat eating birds and I was finally told to go help in the kitchen again and we cleaned up and I couldn't eat all the leftovers they gave me and they laughed at me and told the curious male slaves who snuck by the doorway that they better not touch the master's son's personal b**** or he might order them whipped to death, but I didn't look at anyone who passed because I was already used to looking at no one ever but knowing that everyone was looking at me and I thought it would be like that forever now that I was gone from the compound but it was only when anyone first saw me and then they didn't care anymore and I was always safer then but I made the mistake of thinking I was finally safe when I was allowed to go to my room late that night when the mistress got sick of trying to make me do things and let us clean up and go to sleep ourselves and they even had fresh scrubbing sand but I didn't care about the wealth around me because I felt something that Rallald said was intuition but I didn't know it then and told myself my room was safe and no one here was going to steal my blanket and I was out of the cold and deloused for the last time because the little room was so clean and there was a mattress even and I felt spoiled but it was uncomfortable so in the end and I laid down on the floor but when I heard the footsteps I curled up in a corner because it was so silent that they wakened me like drums and I didn't know where I was at first but then my worst dreams came true because someone crept into the room and grabbed me up out of the corner before I could think anything covering my mouth as a warning and he took me into the hallways and I thought I was going to be taken to my real place and eaten or murdered but what actually happened was that Senh had smuggled me into his room.

Rendia paused to take a breath and reclench her hands over each other. With apparently great effort, began to speak again, a little slower but still in the manner of one who was remembering something that took all their strength to talk about.

He let me go in that opulent room and stood there for a moment once more, his eyes hot on me. I didn't know what he looked like yet; I stood there rigid, with my arms tight against me, staring at the floor. Then he reached out and lifted my chin and made me look at him, and I saw that he couldn't have been more than three yahren older then I was, and he was handsome and proud and amused by the fear in my eyes. He asked me why I was afraid and what was wrong and didn't I like him because he was my new master so I should and he liked me and I did not believe him. So he sprawled out on his bed like the big boy he was and started talking to me cautiously, and I began to relax, and realize he wasn't sure what to say. He told me all about himself for almost a candlemark, but although everything he said was new and interesting to me, it was nothing special to anyone else because he was a typical rich youth; he was a self-centered, egotistical, proud, spoiled, coddled, illusioned boy who considered himself capable, irresistible, rebellious, clever, virile and brilliant. He told me his name meant "perpetuate," which his father had hoped he would accomplish within a noble's sphere, but which he acted upon in a more mischievous way. Or so he said. When he felt he had introduced himself well enough he began paying more attention to me. I was sitting tensely next to him on the edge of the bed and as he became bolder he would reach out to touch my arm or hip or hair every so often. He asked me what my name was. I was startled because nobody bothered to give us names except other slaves. Master's could call you whatever they wanted. I made my sand filled tongue tell him people used to call me Ren. He made a face and told me a more appropriate name would be cute, like Ree-ree, or Ree-dee. He decided on Ree-dee, later informed everyone, and that became my name. But that night he winked at me and told me I would be meryt to him, beloved. I wanted to believe life would be like this, with a young master who cared about me, with an abundance of leftovers, and my own room. Regardless, I did not fight him when he felt he had sufficiently gotten used to me and started grabbing and trying to show off the talent behind his name. Like most young men, he actually knew little and was rather uncertain and at first, nervous. But I was perfectly fine with that.

For almost a month he gently explored me when he felt like it, instructing me to sneak into his room late every night and leave early every morning. There were very few night's in which I was only required to lay beside in the cool night air, on plump pillows and silk throws, close enough to share my warmth. He began telling me things, about how pretty I was and how he would take care of me forever since I was his and only his. I had never experienced anything like the affection he gave me. I had never been anything but afraid of people hurting me. For a while it seemed like paradise, only with his mother thrown in to keep me on my toes. He played with me, made me swear I would be loyal and true and tell him how wonderful he was and how much I loved him. And after everything I did love him. When he felt like it he said he loved me too. Then he began making me pretend I was other people and creatures. They started out being creatures like sand sprites, or a queen or a princess, or the daughter of a noble. I laughed at him and tried sometimes. I didn't know what to think of the way he was treating me. Then the things got more sensual and naughty or dangerous or odd or wild. He asked me to think of things I had heard of. He pretended he was the director demanding his star performer to do her best. I wasn't very good at these games. When he got tired of making me do things he'd just do them himself, a lot of things. He told me it was to find out better ways to make "love." I had never heard so many of these expressions, it was so odd and different, but I tried to please him so hard. I wanted to believe him so badly I finally did. I think that he knew when I let go of my worry. Things changed a lot after that.

One night Senh told me to be cold and resist his advances. This I could play, so I did, making it clear with my silence and frown that I wanted him to go away, no matter what silly things he said to try to make me laugh. Really suddenly he changed and started shaking me and yelling at me for being fake when he knew I wanted him, why didn't I get down on my knees like the pleasure slave I was and beg him to love me? I started getting scared and frozen and shrinking together, to protect myself. He was immediately contrite again, and begged me to forgive him, it was all part of the game, he said, he was just pretending, why had I been so believing, he scolded me. I didn't know, but I was glad it was only an act. He had scared me. I was sure it wouldn't happen again.

He started complaining about how unresponsive I was, why didn't I trust him and love him the way he loved me? I tried harder to please him. I tried so hard so that he couldn't say I was cold and fake anymore. Then he teased me for liking it so much. He started saying I must have been crazy for boys when I was little. I just looked at him, trying to understand what he wanted me to do. He wanted to play his games, all his games, and then laugh at me and make me blush with his chiding. He didn't say he loved me anymore. He started being opposite people. One minute he'd try to please me, the next he'd yell at me for being happy when he obviously was not. I was too distant, then I was too eager. Whatever I did I was stupid. He told me this more and more frequently. I believed him. But I couldn't fix anything and make him happy with me again. He scolded me after "love" for enjoying it so much. I couldn't understand it.

One day his father came back from a business trip and called me to his room early in the afternoon. Senh was yelling at me, telling me I should cry for my betrayal, and I finally did, I cried for the first time in my life, and it hurt. But I stopped when he slapped me. He kicked me out, but a few burns later he was in my room, kissing my face, telling me I should never be hurt or be anyone else's but his, getting back into my arms again when I wasn't ready for him to stop holding me. I held him anyways.

Then he started hurting me unexpectedly while we loved. I didn't mind it until afterwards, when I was left with aching bruises and deep scratches and teeth marks. One night he said f*** over and over again until he felt like saying another word, and they got worse. He just sat there chanting. Then he got tired of that too and made me chant for him. He didn't touch me, just leered at me while I obeyed him, and I realized he was looking at my eyes. When he let me fall silent I sat there in the moonlight. Then I dared ask him what was in my eyes. He looked amused and didn't say anything. Then he smirked and said I had fear in my blue eyes. I didn't answer him. He reached out and yanked my hair making me cry out. I shouldn't ask stupid questions anymore.

I was totally dependent on him by now. In front of his family he made me stay close but ignored me constantly. In front of the other slaves he didn't let me work, took me away from my chores, made them resent the fact that I did no work anymore, it made them happy to see Lady Yukatt beat my feet for being a lazy slave. I was too quiet to talk to any of them anyways. I was glad when I finally became invisible to them as well. I don't think I would have liked to hear anything they said to me. I was the lucky b**** who owned her master, though. I could see that they despised me because every time he grabbed me and told me he was helpless against me, they all turned away, disgusted. I didn't know how I could change that. I tried not to be pretty anymore, by letting my bruises show. It only made them more disgusted, while Senh laid more bruises on me, for no good reason, only to hit me and then sit there, half asleep until he felt like taking me and scratching my softest skin again. I didn't cry out after awhile. I hated the fact that he didn't seem to pay any real attention to me anymore. That was the last time I ever wished that about anyone.

He began to pay attention again, but not the way I wanted him to. He became more obsessed with my pain and fear, as if he enjoyed them more then my body could ever satisfy him. And he began to invent games again. I finally had enough to eat, for once in my life. He told me I was getting fat. He had made me tell him I was sterile in the beginning, but he laughed anyways and told me I was getting fat I had better be caring HIS son. I could never have a son, they had explained that to me. I didn't know if he thought it was actually good to be fat, but he made me feel ugly. I didn't eat so much after that. I don't know that I could have, the way things changed after that. At every opportunity he hurt me. He invited his friends over and told them to do whatever they wanted with me. That wasn't half as bad as when he showed them other things they could do to me. After they got drunk and mostly tired of me, he told them how great I was. I couldn't believe my ears, he hadn't said anything like that for so long. Then he told them how all the things he had said and done to me worked like a charm on the governor’s slaves. And then he said how well they worked on the governor’s daughter. All his friends were laughing and congratulating him. He was sneakier, but more capable of living up to his name now. His new hate for me really was perpetual. I had been with him over a year, and he was sick of me. He tried to make me cry like I had once before. Cry and beg him. Say his name. I didn't deserve to say his name. But I couldn't. I couldn't cry again, no matter what he did. That probably made things a lot worse. He never stopped trying. I tried to tell him that I couldn't cry. He mocked me, imitated me in a high-nagging voice, and then he hit my head until I blacked out. That was only the first time I was beaten senseless. He began to aim for unconsciousness. I woke up not knowing how he had hurt me this time. My deepest scars were from then. He frequently became enraged with my infidelity, screaming at me that I was his, so down on my knees like the w*ore I was. That was the beginning of what he did to me. I became terrified constantly, and unable to think clearly or heal, sickly and obviously abused. His parents didn't say anything.

The last night he came home, I suspected that he was angry. His friends had been teasing him about how he was loosing the governor's daughter, loosing his touch. But instead he was suddenly his old self again, gathering me up into his arms and begging me to forgive him for everything that he had done to me, telling me I was meryt, his mystical, beautiful sand sprite girl and that I could do no wrong and everything I wanted to hear. And then we loved like I remembered we could, and he didn’t hurt me once. Then he held me in his arms a long time. He asked me if I loved him and trusted him away. I told him I did. He lifted my chin to his smiling face like he had at first and looked at me before he kissed me. Then his face changed. It was so slight I didn't know what happened. He said my eyes were blue. Then he got up, and hit my mouth with all his might. I went flying to the floor, wild with fear and wanting to stay alive. But he trapped me and hit me with every word . . . *******, weak, frightened, adulterous women, they're all w*ores, s****, b******, . . . and he had no more emotion or anger in his voice. He only hit me over and over again. Until I could not remember anything and prayed for Uphron to take my life and Anasis to let me die and any god who was out there let me be dead now. I think it was Anasis who must have made me black out. But I knew when I finally woke up that he had still not stopped beating me.

I knew that afterwards he was one of those men who knew how to destroy women in a night. He woke up in pain beyond anything before, away from that house, in one of their distant cousins estates. They were grudgingly taking care of me until I was presentable so that they could sell me fast before I was a 17-yahren slave. I shouldn't be alive. Rallad bought me for 1 coronet. I could barely stand up and I had a fever. He knew a bargain when he saw one.

Rendia looked up at Naomi suddenly. Her eyes were dark blue.

[rhoddin]

The older woman looked into Rendias deep blue eyes, comfort radiating from her very soul. Using the power that came from Anasis, she allowed her empathy to wash over Rendia, a gentle blam to the younger womans soul.

Maybe Naomi couldn't heal the young woman before her, but by letting her expell her inner demons, whilst continuing to offer her unconditional support she sort to let her start to heal herself.

Reaching her hand towards Rendia's face, she gently stroked her face, a slow tear rolling down her own face.

"My dear, some men don't deserve the title accorded to them by that name. I know this is hard for you, but it not you but they who are lacking.

"Come continue if you would, and I will listern."

[Gia as Rendia]

Rendia looked at her hands again.

"They're changed aren't they . . my eyes. I wasn't allowed to let them change. Because I was't allowed to feel," she said. Her tone was faintly calmer, but not so story-teller like any longer.

"It will be easier I think, I, well, Naomi, how long have I kept you? I think I would like to finish the story later. It will explian how I think and talk and many other things . . but soon. My throat aches. I don't think I've ever talked so much before," she said carefully, her eyes still glazed from all those memories.