Conversations with the dead (Zaure & Elaine)

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:00 pm

Zaure leaned his head in so that his hair fell even more around Elaine, "But, Elaine, I do not want you to be fine. I want you to be happy and joyous and spend every moment possible enjoying life. Trust me when I say you never truly appreciate it until it is gone. Of course you can talk to me, and I hope you do. I'll be horribly bored if you don't. I'm sure this is a wonderful place for Panlings, but I'm not a Panling." With a smile he stroked Elaine's cheek again.

"I'd like to think that the Coven at least thought I was a little scary... and DeWinter did too, I think, because what we did threatened to change things. No, he doesn't, Elaine. He killed me, remember?" Zaure choked on the last sentence, he didn't like thinking of his death... it would take time for him to come to terms with it.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:15 pm

"Why do you think I like to keep the optimistic view on life?" Elaine asked her friend softly. "Life is so precious, there is no time to waste it on the bad things. There always must be something that can be learned from it, gained from it. Sometimes it just takes a little more time...I know how that I'll be able to talk to you somehow and that helps. But just like you...have to come to grips I too have to accept reality. And until that time I will be fine."

Zaure's words made her wonder about this strange afterlife. "Zaure, if you are not a Panling, why are you here? Should you not go where...well, where you are more at home? This does not make sense." Maybe I should ask Mother...maybe she understands. She had so many answers.

She caught the Elf's hand when it touched her cheek. Something wasn't right there. Again she frowned. "Oh, Im sure you were scary to those that opposed you." Elaine assured him, a smile on her lips. "But you are right...he won't help, will he? That is what we talked about though. Nothing else happened."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:24 pm

Zaure shut his eyes, "I can only agree with you now, I regret that I couldn't do so back when I was in the City. But, life is so precious... so very precious," A tear rolled down the elf's cheek, "I miss it so... there are even things to be learned after death... to watch, for one, and perhaps to speak back, to help people still. To show them things...and, of course, there is a whole new set of rules to be broken!"

"Never be fine, Elaine, and never be content. That is what this lethargic place is for. Life is for living, Elaine. I can still speak... gods, I hope I can still speak to all of you. My physical body wasn't really that important, not really, if we can only talk..." He thought about her words for a moment, "I'd imagine I'm here because I'm one of Pan's Seven, even if I'm not a Panling, per se. And I follow no God, so I have to go somewhere, yes? My home is the City, and hopefully, with time, I can remain there, in its Song."

Zaure frowned when she took his hand, "Is something wrong, Elaine?" He grinned a little, "I hope I was... and no, he won't, Elaine. But, then why did he bother decieving you? Think... a block is only another rule, and is made to be broken."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 4:03 pm

Elaine felt the tear fall and turned around. "I'm sorry, Zaure, I did not say that to hurt you." She offered softly. "I meant what I said: I will be fine, I really will be. Certain things take time and I will talk to you whenever I can. Every evening before sleeping my thoughts will be for you, wondering what rules you are breaking this time." Her soft hands wiped the wet trail from his cheek.

"I hope you can stay with the city too, Zaure." The Earendil said. "It will be good for both. You deserve a good home. No, nothing is wrong, nothing happened." She repeated automatically when he asked her. "You didn't do anything wrong, dearest Zaure. Lord DeWinter did...by killing you, by deceiving me. I do not know what he thinks to gain by that, but I will keep my ears open."

She laughed at his description of a block. "Rules to be broken? I am not the best to do that. I've always lived up to rules, remember? Besides, it's probably nothing anyway...just a getting used to...well, all that happened in this short period of time."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 4:17 pm

Zaure shook his head dismissively, "No, it's alright, Elaine. I know you didn't... it just takes getting used to, that is all." He smiled at her hands on his cheeks, "That feels very nice, Elaine, I miss little things like this. I will break every rule I can! Well, unless it's there to make sure my spirit doesn't go away forever or something. I will be glad to have someone to speak with. Make sure to tell me of the City as well, until I can watch for myself."

The elf hugged her tightly and turned her around so that they were facing again, and he again ran his hands over her face as though he couldn't get enough of touching, "I want to stay, Elaine... I feel a part of me still in the City. I do not feel complete. I want all parts of me to be united again, like they were the night we watched the City. Yes, he was wrong... I wasn't supposed to die..." Zaure's voice was involuntarily sad again, "And nobody should decieve you. Ever. Yes, keep your ears open and be careful."

He poked her shoulder playfully, "Ah, but you went around with me, and you know I'm a bad influence! We broke the rules several times, lovely Elaine. You will get used to it... and you will live, Elaine, you are too strong not to live."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 4:52 pm

Elaine laughed. "Oh yes, I am too strong not to...I will live for you and me both and tell you all about it! Maybe I can even help you unite all those pieces. So many things I want to do for you...Shall we just sit here for a while, Zaure? Just enjoying being together? I..." She hesitated. "I don't want to go just yet, but there is nothing much I want to say either. I just want to sit here with you."

The girl took one of the Elf's arms and put it around her again as if it were a cloak. Her face looked hopeful.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 4:59 pm

Zaure placed both of his arms around her with a smile, "Of course we can sit here together, Elaine. The time for us to speak with words is over. For the next few moments, we shall speak with this." He put his hand over her heart and took one of her's to put it on his own, "What do you want your heart to say, Elaine?" The elf allowed his own to speak in that curious mixture of melody and color, all of which floated up around Elaine, showing emotions, a mixture of relief, happiness and love was surrounding her. The elf placed his forehead to her own softly, "Say what it is you want to say, Elaine, but don't use words."

He kept caressing her both with his hands and with his melodies, then reached in and closed the gap between them, touching his lips to hers gently for only a small moment before returning to sitting in the hug.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Feb 22, 2004 5:35 pm

The young woman felt the warmth of Zaure's hand touch her heart. For a moment she was afraid of what she would find with her hand on his heart. Meeting his melody again she could only smile. There was no fear possible of this kind Elf. Even on this side of life he still surrounded her with everything she so valued about him.

Elaine felt her heart beat for her friend. There was no denying the love that spoke from her own song that reached out for him. There was a need to be with him, joy for talking to him and much hope for what the future might bring. Her heart ran over with feelings. It felt like breaking, but instead it grew so big it did not seem to fit anymore. The Earendil gasped and right at that moment she felt Zaure's lips touch her own.

A kiss...a caress...a fleeting moment that spoke of the bond they shared. Something started to rouse inside, something dark hiding in the shadows, trying to tell her something. Memories pushed away, a safe wall around it. Don't look at me! That part screamed and for once she listened to the warning and pushed it even further. Not now, not on this moment. We need this moment...I need this moment...Not now...nothing happened.

The complete internal struggle took only a few flickers. Elaine blinked her eyes and leaned back into him, safe in the knowledge that whatever was in the shadows, it had nothing to do with this moment. "Thank you..." She mumbled and closed her eyes.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 4:56 pm

The elf felt the girl's emotions and smiled as Elaine closed her eyes, "Please come back..." There was hope and a bit of anxiety in the elf's voice as for that time, Elaine slipped into the waking world.

Next dream:

Zaure made his way out to the cottage where he had met with Elaine before. He didn't know whether she would be there or not, but the elf wanted to get away from all the activity in the meadow, and didn't want to play in anyone's dreams at the moment, so he had ended up here again. The elf sat down in front of the house and began to start tending to flowers, or at least pretending to. There were mostly flowers from the Citadel growing in the small garden.

He was thinking much on what he had seen in another one of Elaine's dreams; one with her and the Major Domus. Seeing the man, even in Elaine's dreams, had filled him with a rage he wasn't fully prepared to let go of yet, and, after watching how Elaine had treated Marius, he was quite confused. He sighed and stroked the petal of a red flower and began to sing a soft lullaby.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:24 pm

A soft melody found it's way into Elaine's consciousness. It talked to her, spoke of a friend in need. Slowly the blind Earendil found her way back to the little cottage. Stepping from dream to dream she now found the soft grass under her feet again, walking away from another dream that had been incredibly strange... threatening and yet...important.

The song became louder. The hole her her heart ached and she bit her lip. This is a dream...relish it before you go back to the emptiness.

"Hello Zaure." The girl said softly, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:29 pm

The elf looked over his shoulder for a moment and took in the sight of Elaine. No matter how used Zaure was getting to his situation, he still missed the people and the city he had known terribly, "Hello Elaine. How was your time with Master Dewinter?" The elf yanked a flower up by the roots and put it in a conviently located flowerpot. He had no idea what he was doing, but he figured it wasn't as though he could kill anything here. He began to scoop dirt into the pot in a haphazard manner, immersing his hands in the ground that was not ground.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:33 pm

Elaine frowned. Something was very wrong with Zaure. Had he seen her encounter? Had he noticed what had happened? If so, all the better. She thought. He will see that things in the city can still change for good.

"My talk with the man was...interesting." The girl said, trying to find the right words. "Who knows what will come of it? What is on your mind, Zaure?"

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:37 pm

Zaure, by instinct, brought a hand up to wipe his forehead, then frowned; he didn't sweat anymore. With a sigh, he returned to his transplantation, yanking up more flowers, enjoying ripping them out of the earth. It gave him something to vent anger he wasn't supposed to feel on, "I think you know what will come of it. You're the one that feels sorry for the bastard, after all." Deliberately, the elf smeared some dirt on his robe and also a little on his face; he liked being dirty, it reminded him of life.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:46 pm

Barely out of the incredibly taxing conversation Elaine found herself back with her friend only to face yet another challenge. "Ah." She said, stepping up closer and finding a place to sit down. "Is it still useful to talk, Zaure, or have you made up your mind already? Do I belong to the bad guys now because I like to try and change things? If you were there...if you were really in that other dream as well, then you would know what happened. I'm sorry if you can't accept that I believe in finding a way out instead of forcing the man further into his self-made image of what he is supposed to be.

Despite the words her voice was calm. The half Elf found herself tired, incredibly tired. She had just averted another possibly disastrous meeting with the one man she did not relish ever meeting again, tried the best she could to make him see, to make him feel what he had done and was now facing the scorn of her only true friend.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:52 pm

"The real question is... do I have a mind to make up?" Zaure sighed and put the flowerpots down, then turned to face the now sitting Elaine, "I do not think you are a 'bad guy', Elaine. I was not... there. I watched very vaguely, but only because I didn't want him to hurt you. I don't relish spying on people, Elaine." He picked at the dirt he had put under his fingernails and then brushed some soil off of his robe.

"I know you like your ways out, Elaine, but that doesn't change that it hurts. I know the pain of the dead is nothing to the pain of the living, but it is all we have. It hurts to watch the one person who cares for me sit and speak to the man who held me motionless and cut my throat without even giving me a chance to scream without even a tad of anger in her voice. It does, Elaine. It should not hurt to see you being kind, but it does."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:05 pm

Elaine started to tremble, hearing the dreaded words all over again. She swallowed heavily, hiding it in her movements to sit down. "What happened..." She started, her voice wavering, "was that he invaded my dreams. You do not have to remind me of what a horrible person he is, Zaure. I know, trust me I know and it hurts me every single moment, awake or asleep!"

Keep yourself together, no falling apart now! He just said it hurts him, you owe him an explanation. Maybe it will make things easier for him.

Again the girl scraped together whatever pieces of self control she had left. "Anger or anything of the sorts was not going to help me. The man is powerful beyond belief, even in this dreamrealm." She said softly, shuddering at how the dream had started. "I'm sorry if it gave you a strange impression. I loathe him for what he has done, but at that moment it seemed better to get him to feel what he has done, to realize it and to stop it from ever happening again! Had I gotten angry or tried to hit him, he would have stopped me and maybe gotten his way with me after all. For me it was worth the risk to find another side to him and try to get him onto another path."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:10 pm

Zaure reached out and touched Elaine's shoulder gently, allowing some dirt to spread onto her clothing, "No, he did not invade, Elaine... I don't think he was there on purpose... I could be wrong, however. It hurts you? It hurts... you. Listen to where we are, Elaine. I don't care if he changes, Elaine, I don't want you to change him. I don't want him near you, or you near him, especially not just... talking! As though he was someone who had just accidently ruined a party or some such..."

The elf threw himself at Elaine and hugged her tightly, clinging to her, "I don't want that man to influence my city, ever! Even if he does change. You may be able to forgive and forget, but my feelings are somewhat permanent. I cannot explain it, but I do not want that man working with my friends in my city; the idea makes me sick, Elaine."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:18 pm

"But I do care!" Elaine exclaimed, holding Zaure in return, her own tears flowing yet again. "How can I not? How can I possibly ignore a chance to help the city and the people in it? It might save lives, Zaure. Maybe there will be others to help him, but right now I was in the right spot at the right time. Had I ignored it in favour of my own pain, I would have been selfish beyond any measure. You don't want him to influence your city? Too late! He already is...and in a bad, bad way. Now is the chance to change that...for your city and for other people...we are not alone in the world, my friend. I do not forget, I do not know if I can forgive what happened, but I will not selfishly close my eyes to a possible better future."

She shook her head. "What makes me sick is to ignore him and let him ruin other people's lives as if it were nothing. I want him to know what he has done so it will stop him from ever doing it again. Oh, believe me, I wanted to hurt him badly, but it would not serve any purpose! It would not even make me feel better."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:25 pm

The elf held her ver closely, his eyes scrunched shut, "Elaine, I know that is what you're trying to do. I know that he hurts people and that he hurts the city. Do you not feel your own pain, Elaine? I cannot, no, I will not, invade your feelings, so, unless you show me what you feel, I have no choice but to go by what I see, which is you, speaking to the person who robbed me of the things and people most precious to me, as though he were an acquantince of yours."

"It isn't my city anymore, Elaine... I'll never see it again!" Zaure's voice was practically a wail, but then it softened to a whisper, "You are not alone in the world, and I thank the Gods for that, but I... I am. I have no future and am alone, so I suppose I can afford to be selfish, and my selfish self is saying I want to slowly roast Marius DeWinter over an open fire! Perhaps you would not feel better, but I would."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:36 pm

Elaine stiffened. Feel her pain? Again? It was so much better to shut it away behind strong doors. "You have a choice." Her trembling voice sounded. "You could simply believe me, Zaure."

She did not understand why Zaure would question what she felt. Let this night be over already! I am starting to believe that I will rest more when I am awake. "I am not going to risk getting myself assaulted again, loosing more people to that filth or seeing the city going down because of him simply to make you feel better! Right now there is obviously nothing I can say or do to make things better for you and I am sorry to hear that. I wanted you to be happy. Now you're dead and angry because I want to make sure it does not happen again. I don't understand and I'm sick of it and I'm tired!" Her voice broke, her face set in stubborn determination not to cry.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:43 pm

Zaure just nodded sadly and pulled away from Elaine, then stood; walking around her slowly and lethargically, "There isn't anything that can make this better. I am going mad, Elaine! I am in a place that is supposedly perfect, and yet I am away from everyone and everything I care about, and I'm not supposed to be upset or angry or anything other than content! My anger is the only thing I have, Elaine... the only thing..." He shook his head slowly, "I am not angry because of that, Elaine. Please, I am just angry because someone killed me."

"Besides, if I concentrate on being angry, I don't have to be sad... I don't have to know think about the fact that I will always be here and that I will never know a city again."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:06 pm

Elaine was tempted to ask him to come back. She needed his arms around her. But the Elf was in distress himself. He is dead...dead and unhappy. It is not fair. Isn't he supposed to find rest now?
"If anger is all you have left, then I understand why you hold on to it. Alas it also means there is no way for me to help you." The young woman said. "Can't you find a way back to the city you loved? There are plenty of stories of those that wish to remain in the place they belonged." Including a very persistant ghost somewhere in Bardic College. "Come back with me, then you would not be alone!"

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:11 pm

The elf kept pacing, that same slow, nearly energyless pace, "I don't know if you can help the dead, Elaine; we're sort of set in stone. I have to keep it, it reminds what it is like to be alive, to be part of something, to be useful." Zaure returned to Elaine, sitting again in front of her, his hands folded in his lap in a solemn matter before he lost it and threw himself at her again, hugging her tightly and making them fall backwards onto the grass.

"I want to, Elaine! I want to so badly... it feels as though I left a part of me behind, and I can't get it back! I am going to be half a person for eternity! I want to... "

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:29 pm

"That's nonsense, Zaure." Elaine said convinced. "Nothing is set in stone. Obviously you feel and think and do things, even if it's not in life. That means you can rest assured nothing is set in stone! By all means keep it, keep that feeling of being alive. Why would you not come to the city when you want to? I know there are ghosts, you would not be the only one."

It sounded weird to be advertising the Citadel by it's ghosts, yet it made a distorted kind of sense. Elaine wanted to comment on it when she found herself being thrown over by her friend. A moment she panicked, her breath halting. Nothing wrong, nothing happened, he's Zaure, he's alright.

Catching her breath she held her friend again. "If a part of you was left behind, you have the fullest right to collect it. I will help you whenever I can."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:39 pm

The elf laughed into Elaine's shoulder, "Oh, Elaine, if only we actually could. Yes, I feel and I think, what else do I have to do? Nothing, that is what. There is nothing for me to do... I miss that from life, the feeling of being useful, of knowing that people could be influenced by you and care for you or even hate you." Zaure blinked, "Me... be a...ghost? A ghost... hm, I could haunt DeWinter!" He grinned at Elaine through his tears and then sat up, still on top of her, before tickling her mercilessly just to hear her laugh.

"It isn't something to be collected, I don't think. I didn't get a chance to break my link to the Citadel itself, so I still feel as though I'm part of the City, if that makes any sense..."