Conversations with the dead (Zaure & Elaine)

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:31 pm

He took his hand away with a touch of sadness in his eyes, "Yes, there is always much to think about, isn't there? And always interesting new people for you to meet, isn't there?" Zaure's voice was very wistful; he missed meeting people, even if they weren't interesting, "And you all should work together; it will help you all have purpose." The elf fidgeted with his hands in his lap and then sighed.

His hand went to the carving on her staff of her cousin as he listened to her again. Part of the elf was wildly envious, "You are a very lucky person, Elaine, to have such people in your life. Smiling..." Once again, a sad look crossed his face, "Why should I smile, Elaine? Except for you, the people I thought cared for me in life don't give a damn."

"All they are concerned about is their own position in life. They don't even remember I existed; they just were glad that they and their positions were not threatened. I was their charity case and nothing else. Why should I smile when I am completely alone, Elaine?"

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:45 pm

Elaine had a hard time swallowing. She longed for Zaure's touch, but she could not stand being touched. His words made her heart ache again. Tears welled up in her eyes as she took his hand and placed it back on her cheek very purposefully. It felt strange, as if her skin belonged to someone else. But she kept it there, holding his hand.

"Yes, I will meet many more people, Zaure." She said softly to hide the tears in her voice. "And I will do many more things...such is life and such is death...I had hoped you could smile with me, dear Zaure. For I will be with you whenever I can. But I understand if you do not feel that as a comfort...I just wish there was anything I could do to make things easier for you."

What about me? How can I make things easier for me? Her heart cried. I will miss you for the rest of my days!

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:57 pm

He kept his hand on her cheek and looked into the sky for a few moments without speaking, "Such is life, Elaine, but not death. Death is nothing, especially useless death. I know you will, Elaine, but I do not like pressing that burden on you. Perhaps I am merely meant to spend my time here alone." Zaure wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, "Things are easy enough, in fact, they are too easy here."

"I do not like how my death was for nothing. I thought that I could preserve something and keep it out of the hands of those who would use it to destroy, but then the very people who were supposed to care for it didn't care at all! I merely hope that they love their silks and lovers, and that to them it was worth the blood required for it."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:18 pm

Oh gods, I cannot deal with this...He needs such comfort and here I am in shambles myself! How am I going to help him if I cannot even help myself? Mother, please help me!

"You are not pressing a burden on me. I said I would and I mean it. There is no reason in the world that would want to make me forget you and I doubt there ever will be unless someone plays a foul bit of magic." She answered stubbornly, still keeping her voice under control although her lips were quavering. "Maybe you were meant to spend you time alone, maybe you are looking to be alone, I don't know. I've given you plenty of ideas and why don't you go find a way to do something with it instead of pouting here over things you're not sure about! Find out!"

Pain and grief spilled over in her words. "I know it was pointless. Don't you think I want to reverse the whole thing? Let's try to find a point, let's try to make something of this! I am not going to simply let you fade out."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:41 pm

Zaure pulled away from Elaine and stood, "But I am, Elaine. You do not want to be here or even really remember, do you? You prefer to forget and not mention things that hurt you. I'm one of those things." The elf paced around a bit, then turned away from Elaine as she scolded him. He walked over to his flowers and began to yank them up and repot them again, "Perhaps I'm just too stupid to do anything other than pot flowers, Elaine. You do not deserve to be here. Wake yourself up if you want."

"I have already faded. Those who were part of my work prefer to wear silks that were won from my work and my blood. I am not inventing a point to make myself feel better, Elaine, there was no point."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:46 pm

There he goes again...Elaine felt frustration rise inside. "I would prefer it if you do not assume to know what I want or do not want, Zaure. I'm quite big enough to make up my own mind and if I did not want to be here or talk to you, I would have been gone already! So quit the whining about the one thing that happens to be meant as something good for you and me. Sure, be mad at those that went another way, but don't pretend I'm part of those!"

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:49 pm

Zaure's hands wrapped around a stem as he answered, "Elaine, if you do not wish for me to presume what you want or do not want, perhaps you should not assume what I have or have not been doing. What makes you think I merely sit here and pout? Do you also believe I have no right to be unhappy? That no matter what, I should be content? I have explored dreams, Elaine, and the minds of those alive. I have found nothing. Nothing!"

He hit the ground and curled his fingers in the dirt, "I do not say that, Elaine. I am glad you are here, but, I would not want you to stay if you did not wish to be here. Do you understand that? This was not meant as something good or bad. I'm just so selfish..."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:57 pm

Elaine's shoulders sagged. "Very well, I must have misunderstood your words then, sorry. You never mentioned anything about looking around, just about sitting here. But I might have missed comments. I know I'm far from perfect. I also know I stink at making you feel better."

Her voice grew softer. "I understand. I'm selfish too...I don't want to let you go."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:03 pm

Zaure stood and went over to Elaine, took her hand, and led her over to his small grove of flowers, then kneeled, tugging her hand to indicate she should do the same, "No, you didn't miss comments, because I did not make them. I do not like speaking of what I see or don't see in dreams; it feels too much like a betrayal of privacy, therefore I did not speak of it." He smiled sadly, "You do not stink at it, Elaine, I am merely a little sensitive about being told to get up and change my life, or even my unlife, by those who have never been in my position."

"That is one of the reasons I really like you, you know. When we spoke of the position I was in back when I was alive, you accepted that it might not be a good thing and that I could not change everything to my will. It bothered me just now that you sounded like my false friends, that is all. It is good that you are being selfish, Elaine, you need to be a bit more selfish." He took her hand and placed it on one of the flowers' petals.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:49 pm

The blind girl followed, not sure what Zaure meant to do. When he tugged at her arm she sat down, smelling the flowers that were near. Carefully the young woman felt around her to make sure she squashed as little flowers as possible.

Elaine blushed, feeling horribly ashamed. "Zaure, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lecture you, I just...it's hard to think beyond today. I simply don't want this to end, I don't want to go on without you. So I thought...well, who knows what happens in this strange world? But I forgot about you in the process, only thinking of what I needed. I'm sorry."

She let her hand be led by the Elf to the flower and felt the soft petals under her sensitive fingers. The little flower felt slightly oily, making her suspect it would leave marks on her fingers.

"Being selfish still does not give me the right to forget about your needs."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 9:41 pm

Zaure had not pulled her down into a flowered area, only in front of one, so Elaine did not squish any of the fragile blooms, although the elf smiled at her thought for the flowers, 'She truly does care for everything.' "That's part of being what we are, Elaine, it's today we care about. I'll spare you my own lecture on the oddity of time here," he grinned at her, then his face became more solemn again, "I know, Elaine, but all things do end, and those which we love are usually replaced by pain and loneliness."

"You thought that if you could assign characteristics of the living world to this stagnant place, then it would be as if I just went on a trip and didn't die?" He couldn't stop himself from giving a small cynical snort, then sighed, "You are supposed to think of what you need, Elaine. You are mortal." Zaure took her hand and guided it to another flower, "I have no needs, Elaine, I don't even exist really. I'm thinking about what would happen if I just let my will dissapate... it wouldn't matter much, and it would be so much easier than sitting here and going over each mistake I've made and the agonizing feeling in where my stomach would be if I had one."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:00 pm

"You can tell me over and over again that you are supposed to have no needs." Elaine started, following Zaure's hand with her own. "Yet I hear you talk about missing things, wanting things. Are those not needs? As for me...yes, I am mortal, yes all things end at a certain moment. But I think that as far as real needs to I have been lucky up to a point. I have met Mother, I am allowed to sing, I am being taught and I can work with my hands. The only thing that would make it better is if you were not...here...dead." She stiffled another sob, feeling hopelessly pathetic. "There is so much more to you than mistakes, or I would not feel your loss like I do."

She continued on a softer tone. "But if dissipating is what you wish...what you need...then you should. Do not let me keep you here against your will."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:11 pm

Zaure put her hand on a small flower that was just starting to grow out of the damp ground, "Well, it really doesn't matter, does it? I may need things, but those needs aren't going to be met, and it isn't as though it truly affects the world if I'm happy or not." The elf wrapped his arms around his friend as she sobbed, "I agree with that opinion. It isn't really my life I want back, my life, except for you, really stunk. I just want to be able to be by your side and have company. And feel my city and song."

He bit his lip, this was hard to explain, "You are not keeping me here, Elaine. That you may one day be here is my hope, but not my reason. I made something, and I guess I feel an obligation to watch over it. A responsibility for it, really. And it was my only not-mistake... well, that and meeting you." Zaure smiled sadly, "I do not want to sit by while what I managed to do is destroyed, Elaine."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:35 pm

Elaine felt the fragile leaves under her fingers, some still curled up in the bud. Everything was so tender, just like life had turned out to be. She felt Zaure's arms around her and one moment an inexplicable panick rose. Before she tried to break free the girl realized that it was a friend holding her and she relaxed again.

"Zaure, I don't want to let you go." Elaine admitted. "I want you to be around to talk to and to explore with. I already told you I'm going to try to talk to you anyway. Who knows, you might hear it? Maybe you'll even be able to talk back and discuss the goings on with me. I so desperately want you around, but I don't want to hold you back. If you cannot stand being around without being able to influence what is going on, then you should go. It is no use to subject yourself to eternal torture for nothing. I'll be talking to you anyway...I don't think I want to face you not existing just yet...let it be a journey...a far one...but not just the end yet...please."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:46 pm

He took her hand and then put it on a strong flower, one that had grown out of the ground for quite some time and was sturdy as well as beautiful, "I don't want to let you go either, Elaine. You were the only person who cared about me for my own sake, and I love you so much for that, I cannot communicate it. I want to talk to you as well, and just feel that you are with me."

Zaure put his hands around the smaller flower, "I'm glad for that, Elaine. If... if I have enough support, I may be able to speak back. You are not holding me back, Elaine, you are my view of the world outside my song. I can see my song and the people connected to it, for they still are, really, even if they can't feel it anymore. But it's just as important for me to see outside of that, because the song is so dependent on the outside world."

"I cannot stand it, 'tis true, but I will tell myself what I have always told myself, 'It cannot be for eternity.' You are mortal, you will join me eventually. That and I may get some power and be able to influence events. Right now I'm miserable, and I don't know if I will ever have any energy, but I can at least look forward to your coming. If I had no responsibility, I would let myself go."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 5:21 pm

Elaine bit her lip, afraid to start crying again. Zaure's words were a comfort in a way. It meant he was not entirely gone yet. "I will listen for your voice, Zaure." She said. "I will remind the people that were connected that the song still exists. I think I figured out some of those group...Isabella, lady Rees, Ahren, you...you mentioned seven, but I do not know the other three. I'll warn them and try to get them to remember."

The Elf talked of her joining him and Elaine felt the strong urge to simply stay right now. A part of her did not want to leave life behind, but at the same time she wanted to be with Zaure, no matter where he went. The conflicting feelings were strong and she clasped her hands into fists. "I will find you once my life has ended." The girl managed. "And in the meantime I will listen to your voice and all the songs that are around and I will tell you about the city as often as I can."

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 5:28 pm

Zaure sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I don't think they'll listen, Elaine. Ahren is... well, he's gone. And as for Rees and Isabella, they seem more than content to wear dresses and sleep with handsome men, without a care to what goes on around them, or a care for the blood that had to be spilled on both sides for them to get where they are." He shook his head, "Do not just warn them. Warn everyone, Elaine. This is the problem of all."

The elf smiled sadly, "Thank you, Elaine. I truly appreciate it. Do you like the flowers?"

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 5:37 pm

"Ahren gone? What do you mean? He can't just disappear, can he? And I'm sure the ladies will come to their senses when they find out what is at stake." Yet doubt crept into Elaine's voice. She did not know either of them well enough to counter what Zaure had just told her. Rees seemed so nice and so familiar somehow. Isabella...yes, she had felt very calculated, but she too had shown care in the dungeons. Surely they would understand this, would they?

"I will warn whoever will listen." Elaine promised. "If I can learn how to sing for an audience, it will be in my songs to make them think."

Her fingers still played with the flowers. "Yes, I do like them." She bend over to smell them.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 5:44 pm

"I don't know about him dissapearing, Elaine, but I do know I couldn't feel him for a few days before I died. I like your unquestioning optimism, Elaine. They are both nice enough people, to be sure, but neither of them is capable of putting an idea, another person, or even doing what is good, above their own position. When it comes down to it, they will always do what benefits them most, be it evil or good."

The elf smiled to think of Elaine singing in front of people, "Yes... please. The city needs to act on its own behalf. You do like them? These ones are my people flowers. They're the important people to me. You're this one." He guided her to a small, multicolored flower with very little scent except what it had absorbed from the soil around it.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:55 pm

"You couldn't feel him?" The frown deepened. "Do you think he is...well, is he still alive? Why would he leave his love behind after all?" Elaine remembered the strange conversation she had overheard. That peacock had been immensily proud of the man he loved and that might just have been his undoing.

"As for people..." She shrugged. "I like to believe that people can always change. Who knows what will happen in the end when we need it?"

The girl followed Zaure's directions and smelled the tiny flower he pointed her to. "People flowers? That is so sweet...That's funny, I can smell the earth in this little one. You say that is me? How fitting. I like to blend into the earth." She smiled at the Elf. "Which one is you? Or should I ask who the other flowers are?"

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:07 pm

He shook his head, "No, I couldn't, Elaine. Not a thing. I don't know if he's alive or not, I haven't sought him out here. He might not have had a choice about leaving his 'love'." The elf's voice was hurt; Ahren was not a topic he wanted to speak about, "Sure, they'll help, if it helps them to. What do they care if people die for something, so long as they get their games?"

"The flowers? Oh, well, this one," He led Elaine's hand to a small flower that was clearly just fighting its way out of the ground, and wasn't very healthy. It didn't seem to fit in the place, one small unhealthy flower in paradise, "Is me. And this one," Zaure put her hand on a rose, "is... Ahren. That's all, really."

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:29 pm

Elaine nodded. The pain was in Zaure's voice was obvious. Now that she knew there was a chance Ahren was gone too, everything started to make sense in a strangely disturbed way. Was this then all some kind of a ploy from those people surrounding the Caesar? It was almost impossible to think that the ones that were supposed to protect the city made such a mess of it, but all the signs were starting to point that way.

"I don't know, Zaure. But maybe we will be pleasantly surprised. I'm no mindreader last I checked, so I can't know what their plans are or what they think. So I like to cling to some hope at least...this is you? I should have known." The rose for Ahren did not surprise her in the least. That little flower disturbed her, but it was not her place to change it.

"Would you accept something I see in you here in this garden?" She asked on an impulse.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 12:40 pm

Zaure shrugged, "Perhaps. I'm just not willing to stake the whole fate of the city on whether a bunch of Courtlings decide to grow a sense of righteousness. What do you mean 'you should have known.'?" The elf's voice was perplexed, and he felt Elaine's disturbance, "What is it, Elaine?" He didn't like feeling his friend's disturbance, "Accept something you see? Well, what is it?" He sounded rather like a little child who wanted something in a toy box.

Elaine · Post by **Elaine** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:20 pm

"True, very true. I understand. Yet still there might be a chance and I am not willing to forgo it just because I'm afraid I will be disappointed." Elaine answered simply.

She touched the little, hesitant flower that was just reaching out of the earth and sighed. "It's nothing, Zaure." She smiled at her friend, although her eyes still held sadness. "A mere disagreement between the two of us. One that feels old even though we have just met. I won't try to persuade you, I just want to give you what I've seen."

With these words she took a step back from the fragile flowers and put her hand to the earth. Somehow more things seemed possible in this strange realm and softly the blind girl started to hum a familiar song. It vibrated under her slender hands and mingled with the earth. Something tingled in the air and from the dark soil a little plant started to grow.

Elaine hummed a little louder, an energetic little melody that motivated the new green to form itself to what it was supposed to be. Within moments a little birchtree had formed, tiny blossoms hiding in the playful branches. It swayed a bit in the wind, bending but not breaking as the Earendil removed her hand after a last caress. Softly her song faded on the wind.

"This is how I see you." She said, a strange shyness in her voice.

Zaure · Post by **Zaure** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:53 pm

"Well, then, it appears we see things quite differently, as usual," his voice was teasing, then it sombered, "I just think there should most certainly be a second plan in place. We've seen what happens when the main plan is ruined with no back-up." Zaure smiled sadly.

The elf cocked his head to the side in curiosity, "It is nothing, yet it is making you sad, Elaine. What is it that we disagree on? The Mother? I would like to see what you see of her," He put his head on his knees and waited for her to show him whatever it was she wanted to. Zaure raised his head as she sang, and watched in fascination as a small plant fought its way. He reached out to touch the small birch tree, barely registering her words, but, when he did, turning his attention to her, "This is me? Why?"